Metamorphosis

Apparently, my heart problems have been exacerbated by the fact that I am shy. Those ubiquitous scientists have announced that shy men have a 50% greater chance of having a heart attack.

As a result, I am making plans to become outgoing, loud, fun-loving and thoroughly obnoxious. I'm going to watch and engage in extreme "sports," run with the bulls, hoping to be gored, go to every local auto race to encourage global warming for miles around, and scream obscenities whenever and wherever possible.

I will be going to bars and hitting on all unescorted women while touting my sexual prowess and boasting about my physical endowments. I will accost perfect strangers in all public venues, and attempt to engage them in conversation, especially about politics and religion. I'll show them who's shy.

Just for good measure, I intend to have impure thoughts, and tell anyone who will listen about them. Finally, if anyone invites me to a party, I will be the life thereof, or have a heart attack trying.