U.S. Air finds new N.Y. landing site

At the impetus of wild birds, U.S. Airways Flight 1549 was encouraged to land in the Hudson River. All 155 or so human fliers survived, so we can make sport of the event (with apologies to grieving bird lovers).

"Sully" (Chesley B. Sullenberger III), the pilot, had just left LaGuardia when his Airbus A320 was attacked by birds in an episode of air rage, involving rude gestures and fowl language. The birds started it. As cold as it is in the East, "Sully" may have supposed that the river was frozen solid, but he was wrong. When he saw it was liquified, he surmised that he'd get his feet wet, and he had just put on clean sox. He could just hear his wife yelling, "Do you think all I have to do all day is wash your clothes?"

Many of the crash victims lined up on the wings, also wetting their feet and ruining many pairs of shoes. Someone had told them that boats were on their way to rescue them. Unlike the Titanic, it was true; and in moments, Mayor Bloomberg and some of his buddies swooped them up, and rushed them to the lawyers waiting anxiously on shore. In Washington, Hillary Clinton was heard to say, "Leave me alone. I'm no longer a Senator from New York. Those firefighters aren't going to upstage me."

BY THE WAY: Do you think the passengers would have flown with him if they had known the pilot's name was Chesley? Not just Chesley, but Chesley III. (Chesley in Molvanian means "flying water monkey." III means son of II. II was a disappointment to I, the original simian. He called himself I as a tribute to Darwin. Darwin, of course, was a famous loony.)