Study says rain makes ground wet

CHICAGO (DP) - Researchers for the Randy Corp. in Ft. Lee, N.J., have determined that when it rains the ground becomes wet, sometimes muddy. The study, based on interviews with 1,46l participants, age 12-17, appears in the August issue of Goofus & Gallant, being released today.

Lonah Tedda (>add ethanol), former U.S. Representative (R-IA), and new Randy director, says she and her staff have wasted a goodly amount of government grant money determining what everyone knew and even the most jejune suspected.

Natasha Badinov. a 17-year-old from nearby New Brunswick, N.J., said she and her sycophantic friends had sometimes encountered the phenomenon on those days when her Benz was in the shop and they were forced to walk to the mall.

Randy researchers tried to account for other factors which may effect a moist terrain, including indiscrimiate urination and expectoration, and still found precipitation to be the major cause.

Ms Tedda asked, "Why doesn't the government stop that?"

(The above is a lampoon of an actual AP article entitled, "Study says raunchy lyrics prompt teens to have sex" [Duh])