Another birthday

I have no charming bowling story to relate for this birthday. Four years later, after two interim bundles of joy, my wife produced her final masterpiece, Because school was out for the year, I was able to be in attendance at all the festivities, although my mind grows fuzzy about who was attending to the other three offspring at the time. (A person named "Grandma" does seem likely.)

I do remember that, that summer, probably prompted by another mouth to feed, I sought a short-term job to supplement my teaching income. A group of sharpers had come to the area from Texas in a pink Cadillac. They rented a store-front, and established a boiler room. They began cold-calling people in the tri-city area, touting one of those coupon books which offers free or reduced price goods and services. The callers convinced as many of the potential customers as possible to give us their addresses, to permit the closers to seal the deal.

I became a closer. As I recall, the books sold for $20, and I got to keep half. If I sold more than a specific amount, there was also a bonus. Early each morning, I rang doorbells, frequently accosting people on their way out the door to work, and they bought a book, probably to ensure I left their now unattended homes. Some under-the-table money started coming in.

As the number of closers increased, however, the competition heated up, and some of them began to arrive at the office before dawn to snatch up the newest leads. Apparently, only people with jobs felt they could afford to take the chance that the coupons were good, and as I drove around between 8 and 4, I found fewer and fewer of them at home. Gas was dirt cheap, but not free, and I found my main activity was cruising around and listening to the pop music of the day on the radio. I remember my favorite song was the prophetic "We'll Sing in the Sunshine (then I'll be on my way.)," which played two or three times an hour.

On my last day of work, I encountered a woman who asked me the definitive question: "Do you know that the radio station you say sponsors this promotion went out of business three years ago?" When I didn't show up again, someone at the boiler room called. I didn't respond.