Bits and Pieces

I helped first born write a sympathy card and two thank you's. Can you believe it. . . she didn't appreciate the following assistance:

"Your horse was sick, and hardly fit,
I put him down; get over it."

"Those cookies that you gave us
Were tasteless and quite bland.
The dogs refused to eat them,
And one tried to bite my hand."

"The artsy-craftsy shovel
That bears old Santa's face
Is much too small for digging,
And takes up closet space."

NEXT: Some female members of the cast have suggested that the next film in the series should be named, you guessed it, "Mother Fockers."