Misc.

As seen on TV: Q: Which was a more historic event - Pearl Harbor or 9-11?

A: Neither Pearl Harbor nor 9-11 were historic events. They were sneak attacks by craven enemies who invited retribution. [We gave the Axis theirs, and] now is the time to kill, imprison, or force the unconditional surrender of all terorists, and bring about peace. Now, that would be an historic event.

As not yet seen on TV: Q: Do you favor banning the use of cell phones in cars?

A: Why are we letting the government intrude in every facet of our lives? Is it that someday we expect it to reciprocate by supporting us completely while we sit on our butts and drink beer? What's happened to common sense and personal responsibility?

News brief: In response to the UN's "resolution" telling Iran to stop enriching uranium, President Ahmadinejad said, "Fuck you." Secretary-General Kofi Annan is exploring the most graceful way to bend over.