Papal bull

Although the Notre Dame football team won its first game, the matter has not been resolved. The Pope has expressed strong displeasure with the inappropriate language employed by President Foonman. The Vatican press secretary refused to translate the Pope's word "Scheisskopf," but he assured us it was a pejorative description of Foonman.

Parenthetically, the issue of the three elderly nuns who are being evicted from their Santa Barbara convent, so that the property can be sold to satisfy some of the court costs incurred by pedophile priests, was not addressed. However, the Vatican rep did say, "Perhaps President Foonman could begin his penance by finding a spot for the sisters in the dorm, and providing them with free meal tickets." Of course, the good work they have been doing in the Hispanic community will be lost, but room and board is room and board.