Fiction

I can't decide whether the person who's writing the story, "Bin Laden Buys the Farm," is a novelist or a playwright. Perhaps it's being orchestrated by J.J. Abrams or David E. Kelley (with their staffs), two masters of "making it up as you go along."

Whoever they are, they're attempting to ascribe Western ideas of morality to radical Muslims. The script discussions are concentrated on what will be the most offensive to the most people. For instance, they say porn flicks have been found. Unfortunately, that won't work because every American male has a collection of his own, and nobody cares.

Also, they have fabricated some mystery documents that are being evaluated by "someone." They have moved on successfully from the ill-advised pictures and the ocean dump, and are now into how wonderful President Obama is, and how HIS bravery and genius eliminated the evil threat. What revelation comes next? Was bin Laden into dogfighting because he once phoned Michael Vick? Maybe one of his wives is a sheep. Somebody's brainstorming it.

THE ADULTERATOR: Her name is Mildred Patricia Baena. TMZ says her son is the "spitting image" of his father. . . and Maria never noticed? What I want to know is. . . is Mildred legal?