Dear ACLU:

How could I have been so politically incorrect? On Saturday, I wished you a Happy New Year, when I knew that Chinese New Year's Day falls between January 10 and February 19, and the Jewish New Year begins sometime in September or early October. How could I have been so insensitive, just because the calendar I use is accepted by the world, and on which international business operates?

Therefore, so I do not help someone to allow himself to be offended, I modify my greeting to wish you a Joyful December 31st, and a Happy January 1st, tomorrow and the succeeding 365 days. Hail, and a genuflection to Political Correctness. (Please don't sue.)