O

Last night, before "my" newscast began, I caught the last few seconds of The Oprah when she asked the viewers to email her descriptions of things they are doing to simplify their lives. Knowing that she would never read the thought that came to my mind, I present it here for you to love or hate: "My life became much simpler when I decided never to watch Oprah, because she is not, as some suggest, 'America's Treasure.'"

POSTSCRIPT: On "my" newscast, I said, "What I want to know is, on which tree in the White House rose garden do all those $4,500 gifts grow? Wait! You say they're going to raise taxes so we can pay for our own stimulus? Bummer.

UPDATE: The DMV is closed again for the third consecutive Friday, but they'll be happy to take your money on the net. Their computers are more efficient than their employees. . . and more friendly. Rudeness returns for a short visit next Friday.