The Bill Murray tour de force

One of the advantages of being friendless is that no one will be reading this. Therefore, today, my new habit of giving early announcements of upcoming events will pass unnoticed.

Tomorrow is the annual celebration of ritualized rodent aggravation. I've never seen a groundhog in the flesh, and, for all I know, Phil of Pennysylvania is the only one extant. I know he's not a happy woodchuck, judging by his expression. His smile is gone, a victim of years of abuse. The day is a truly useless observance, fortunately limited to one town with the appropriately silly name of Punxsutawney.

It is also the birthday of someone who won't read this either. I still don't know why.

LAST NIGHT: Someone who probably can't defeat President Obama won the Florida primary. It's astounding what kind of mediocrity the American public has been forced to accept. Some boob on PBS said it will be a close general election. Wake up -- $14 trillion and growing, while the President creates yet another overpaid commission. It's enough to render one "disabled." You know, one can't be expected to work when he occasionally has a headache.