Let's see. . .

In today's pamphlet, I was referred to, obliquely, as an ultra-rightist. How complimentary! Oh, wait, it came from an ultra-leftist, or liberal, so it turns out it was intended as an insult. Let us see what kind of person wrote that letter to the editor.

To be a liberal you must think you know more than everyone else. You must be more loving, caring and thoughtful, and be constantly available to bestow those gifts on the unfortunate. You must tell others how to live their lives, because they couldn't possibly know as much as you. You must find a way to take things away from people who have "too much," and give them to people who have "too little." You must be loved by all.

To be a liberal politician, you must be elected and re-elected, so that in the end, you will amass a great personal fortune. You must be prepared to raise taxes at every turn, even though it has been proven that lower taxes generate more money for government. You must fabricate outrageous lies about your political opponents. You must take great satisfaction when they are believed, and you must repeat them until they appear to be truth. You must be loved by all.

As a liberal, you must make other people feel guilty for all the evils of the world, from creation on. Slavery, environmental damage, the Holocaust, HIV, Islamic extremists -- must be blamed on others, whether they or their forebears were involved or not. You must be seen to be doing something to alleviate problems, to atone for those who created them. You must be loved by all.

You must pander to each diverse group in society to gain their votes. Nothing is more important than being elected and re-elected. You may use dialects and feign interest in their concerns, as long as you appear sincere and caring. You must play all the appropriate "cards," and take advantage of the prejudices of those whom you are addressing. You must be loved by all.

When you give every American family $80 to defray the cost of HDTV, you will be loved. Don't worry for a moment where the money will be coming from. You will be loved when you raise the minimum wage, notwithstanding the number of people who will lose their jobs. You will be loved by the cruel and unthinking when you punish smokers and the rich, and even though they are not as good as you, your constituents are better than those addicted to tobacco and money. You will be loved by the weak-willed when you tell them what to eat, what light bulbs to buy, what they can drive, what they can do in their own homes, what education their children must have, what kind of health care they can have, and generally absolve them of all thinking, planning and working. Yes, you will be loved, but not, thank God, by all.