Duck, duck, goose

If you are really desperate for a little work, you might consider taking a job with the Census. However, you will want to avoid being one of those people who goes door to door asking those questions of the residents which they refused or were unable to answer by mail. Ask for a position manning a computer or making phone calls. Shuffling papers is also acceptable, but out on the street you will encounter various degrees of reluctance, ranging from "No English" to "Get the hell out of here!" You don't deserve that kind of abuse. (Seriously, can you really pass an FBI background check?)

The President hasn't specified whether we should open wide so he can cram his health plan down our throats, or we should bend over to take it in the butt. What I do know is that very few changes will take place for four years, during which time those of you who pay taxes will do so through the nose. How much will be amassed by the time the changes are scheduled to begin? Perhaps, Congress will have already spent it on "more important" things by then.

Another proud American airliner has been brought down by al-Qaida geese over Jersey. You wouldn't think the honkers had a political agenda or could be recruited with the promise of 72 virgins, but how else do you explain this sudden spate of goose attacks? Doesn't that phantom global warming kill them just as it does the polar bears? Apparently not in the breeding grounds in the mountains of Pakistan.

EXTRA: "Sometimes when there's nothin' to do, it's best to keep movin.'" -- Clint Eastwood (in the film "Thunderbolt & Lightfoot" 1979)