Happy birthday. . .

although she never reads here. She's a dedicated Pedestrian.

Instead, here are three recent submissions:

1. (AS SEEN ON TV) The President has saved the jobs of some teachers and cops with money that doesn't yet exist. Wouldn't it be great if the giant tax increase to cover this cost only fell upon those parents who do the least to educate their own children, and then complain about the schools?

2. (AS PUBLISHED IN THE NEWSPAPER) Regarding pictures of illegal aliens in the newspaper, the only such photos that many of us want to see are ones of illegals being perp-walked back over the border. The sight of President Obama standing in the background, smiling and applauding, would be a nice bonus, too.

3. (AS SEEN ON TV) The Obama administration is talking about spending several trillion dollars. Do you suppose that much money even exists in the world? On trees? In China? In your children's and grandchildren's pockets?

EXTRA: Buoyed by number-one ratings, the misnamed talent show continues. They are going to bring back people who didn't get enough votes the first time, and embarrass them again. I wonder how many of the rejected turned down the "opportunity." Wouldn't you?