"Dilbert" 3/29

(Three panels: Dogbert on the computer; Dilbert watching.)

1. Dogbert: "I'm writing fake press releases for imaginary new green technologies."

2. Dogbert: "Scientists say that by 2040 you will be able to power your entire home with the breeze from your refrigerator door."

3. Dilbert: "Now how will I know which green breakthroughs are real?"
Dogbert: "Seriously? You think there are real ones?"


FYI: My fantasy baseball game has returned, under new management. Hopefully, someone has settled the lawsuit with MLB. Now I can continue to fund the prizes won by the other contestants. They aren't welcome.

A bitch

Each year, I flirt with the possibility of becoming one of E-R's North State Voices, but a certain innate laziness has prevented me from submitting any material for consideration. I have usually read others' articles, however, and found them charming and appropriate; that is, until Laurie Raucher's March 24th self-serving, male-bashing piece of drivel. Now, I seriously regret I did not make some attempt this year to supplant the likes of Raucher and her sarcasm and bitterness.

Marriage is a partnership in which each participant must understand and appreciate the strengths and weaknesses of the other. It is not a construction project wherein one partner rebuilds the other. Considering Raucher's three failed marriages, it seems she never understood the common perception that there are basic differences between men and women which must be accommodated. As a man, I resent her insensitivity, and can certainly appreciate why two of her husbands sought the love and understanding she apparently denied them elsewhere.

Don't misunderstand. I was divorced once myself by a woman who refused to discuss the specifics. I only recalled one argument in seven years, and it was about money, so I was forced to suspect that was a major bone of contention. Because I continued to pursue the low-paying career of teaching, I decided that if finances were going to drive marriage, I would probably never be able to seek a second liaisson, so I raised my children alone. To risk another divorce would have been counterproductive. I might have inadvertently married someone like Raucher.

The Boogens

In the old "Newhart" TV show (1982-90), Peter Scolari, portraying a pretentious yuppie, kept asking his equally annoying girlfriend, portrayed by Julia Duffy, "When will we be going to see 'The Boogens?'" For almost thirty years, I have looked for that film, and finally decided it didn't exist. . . until last night.

Suddenly, just before midnight, on TCM, there it was. As you would assume, judging by the fifteen minutes I suffered through, "The Boogens" (1981) is awful. I suspect Scolari was friends with one or more of the young actors involved. I stopped watching before the characters encountered the tentacles referenced in the short Dish description.

Letter to the editor (as published 3/11)

From the age of 11, the same as that of letter writer Simone Hammett-Lynch (3/4), through high school, my mother and I wrote many "themes." Those creative writings comprised various essays, reports and reminiscences, and my mother, as was her parental duty, taught me all I know about writing except the intricacies of proper grammar which I learned from my seventh grade teacher, Miss Schneider. We never thought of submitting any of those compositions to the newspaper, but I cannot criticize the practice, because the young lady's letter was properly unlike those from those children who, earlier, had been propagandized by inappropriate teachers at another school.

I am unfamiliar with the precise program at Blue Oak Charter School, but Hammett-Lynch makes it sound quite exciting. She cites almost thirty specialty subjects and makes no mention of religion, politics and faux science, which, of course, have no place in school. I would, however, offer one suggestion. When Hammett-Lynch credits her teachers with making learning fun, she misunderstands. The fun is the learning itself, and the feeling of accomplishment experienced by her and all those other children who have been imbued with the desire to learn by their parents, and nurtured by their teachers.

Imagine how pleased Hammett-Lynch will be when she discovers that, contrary to her expressed present belief that she has mastered all those subjects, she still has so much more to learn and enjoy. It's the lifelong journey that makes it all worthwhile, and I welcome her to it.