Peace

In today's pamphlet, Kathleen Makel, in a letter to the editor, surprisingly says something better than I can. Enjoy.

"The best way to deal with savage, brutal and messianic revolutionary regimes led by men whose behavior is unfettered by even the smallest trace of common morality is through talks, bans and self-disarmament. . . Surely such totalitarian sadists wouldn't lie -- lying is a sin, after all -- so bans, which necessarily require their agreement, are a grand idea. And the potential for finding common ground with such men? Huge. . . .

"Splendid! Nothing stops a ruthless dictator dead in his tracks quite like a good talking to followed up by a serious ban. And nothing makes more sense than disarming ourselves in the face of such aggressive danger. . . . Brilliant."

That's my kind of sarcasm (and emphasis).

Q & A

Q: "If happy little bluebirds fly
Across the rainbow,
Why, oh, why can't I?"
A: No wings.

Q: How good was the "Gary Unmarried" premiere?
A: Better than expected. The girlfriend is appealing.

Q: In 16 years of playing fantasy baseball, what have I won?
A: Nothing.

Q: Why?
A: I don't know. Actually, I do know if you get behind early, it's over.

Q: What is the secret to winning at PLAYOFF fantasy baseball?
A: Luck. The best bet is multiple entries, if you can afford them.

Q: Why is it "Stay at Home Week?"
A: Premieres on non-cable networks (except P BS which has, as I
previously mentioned, abandoned me).

Q: Was I pleased to receive a call last night from a loved one whom I see too infrequently?
A: Definitely.

Q: Did we solve the economic "crisis?"
A: No reason. Neither of us has any money.

ADVISE: I have wasted about $3,500 over the last 16 years playing fantasy baseball. Next year, I am considering spending the annual $200+ up front for multiple entries ($30 each), hoping that one of them doesn't quickly sink to the bottom of the league (again). Whaddya think?

P C Four

Yesterday's pamphlet brought us the words of Susan Tchudi, one of a panel of four rotating guest columnists. Her reminiscence about her experiences confronting racism was intended to demonstrate her understanding of, and concern for those who cannot forget. Unfortunately, in the last paragraph, she inadvertently contradicted her entire article by saying, "I'm proud that we've moved on enough to have an African-American presidential nominee, and I hope he'll become our president, principally for his deep, clear, intelligent approach to problems at home and abroad, but also because he would inch us closer to shattering the stereotypes that maintain our racial divide."

The fact that her assessment of Obama's competence is flawed is not the problem. It's the suggestion that we should elect him because he's black, and that that would reduce the racial divide. Whether or not that would occur, it's just not the best basis upon which to choose a President.

FYI: If you enjoy watching a doofus make a fool of himself, be sure to watch "Worst Week." However, if you're like me, and hated ". . . Raymond," a man who was victimized by his wife and mother, you will also skip this latest saga of a victim of himself.

P C Three

Today, I have some questions and few answers. As I was pondering the unfortunate sobriquet "African-American," it struck me that there don't seem to be any African-Frenchmen, African-Englishmen, African-Dutchmen, or any other such hyphenated names. Now, I know there are black people in those, and many other countries, so why is the hyphenation only used in the United States?

A goodly number of early Africans were brought here involuntary as slaves, but not so with many later ones. Unless, in the unlikely event that all Africans are related to each other, not all are descendants of slaves, but most are citizens, and are privileged to be called "Americans," What more could a person want or need?

Around the world, Americans are honored, feared, envied, loved, and/or respected, and persons we encounter in foreign lands react to us appropriately. Someone calling himself an "African" will probably be met with blank stares. On occasion, the question, "Which country?" may be heard.

EXTRA: "The Mentalist" premiere was tightly crafted and quite entertaining, but can they keep it up?

Denny Crane

The season premiere of "Boston Legal" was a big disappointment. They sued a tobacco company again, and won again. I'm sick of watching stories about people who can't control themselves, and want to blame others for their problems. This show is overblown comic fiction, of course, but it was loaded with quasi-serious crap about how evil it is to fool people. Only an oblivious idiot doesn't suspect that tobacco presents a health danger, and all one has to do is show some guts, and stop smoking, or accept the risk.

Denny's protestation of having Alzheimers of the penis was cruder than usual, but Ally Walker has aged gloriously, and I'd welcome seeing her again. . . if I decide to watch this year. The scripts are going to have to be better than the derivative stuff they presented last night, though.

P C Two

Pursuant to the California Supreme Court legalizing gay marriage, the license forms were reprinted to identify the participants as Party A and Party B, thus eliminating the Bride and Groom designations. Of course, they could have retained both forms, and that would be sensible, but not politically correct. One traditional couple has already refused to be designated A and B, and their altered form was rejected by their county clerk. Fortunately, they were still able to marry, because the bride's father is a minister, and they were wed in his church, the only place nuptials should be celebrated, anyway.

This gives us the opportunity to ponder the following short drama:

[Two persons contemplating marriage are confronted with the new form.]

Person 1: Which of us is Party A?

Person 2: I think I should be Party A.

Person 1: You always think you're Party A.

Person 2: Do you want to be Party A?

Person 1: I don't care. If you want to be Party A, go ahead.

Person 2: You just want to start an argument, don't you?

Person 1: No, I told you to be Party A, if you want.

Person 2: Sure, and then you'll bitch about it all the way home.

Person 1: Well, you won't have to hear it, because I'm leaving now.

[A door slams.]

P C One

In addition to being divisive, the name African-American is imprecise. My forebears were from Poland and Germany, so, apparently, by the same logic, I would be a European-American. We could have Asian-Americans, encompassing several, unspecified countries. How about Polynesian-Americans? Slavic-Americans? Scandinavian-Americans? South American-Americans? Ad infinitum.

What's wrong with just plain Americans? People who have come here and will come here for the right reasons -- freedom and economic opportunity, have become and will become citizens. Being a citizen makes you a part of the culture of the greatest country the world has ever known. It makes you an American.

If, in your home, you wish to observe some of the cultural traditions and practices of the part of the world from which your ancestors came, that is one of the glorious benefits of freedom. But when you engage in public discourse, you should do so in the American language -- standard English, and your behavior should emulate that of the best among us. If you cannot identify good Americans, perhaps you are not yet ready to join them, and assume the honored title of "American." (Published 9/30)

The wrong reason

Today, in the phone-in feature of the pamphlet, someone called and identified him/herself as an African-American. I responded, "I must take issue with the caller who said he was an African-American. Using such hyphenated titles only promotes racism. An American is simply an American, and such citizens do not vote for someone solely on the basis of the color of his skin, as the caller recommends."

Indeed, the caller had said, ". . . I am urging that the rest of the African-Americans in the county. . . vote for Barack Obama. . . Don't let us lose this election." We all know who US is, and that's just wrong.

And Whitewater, too

It's official! The Democrats have become the party of hate and pagan immorality.

After giving Mrs. Bill Clinton and her adulterous husband a pass for years, now they are looking for every bit of possible scandal, true or not, about a mother from a stable family who lives by Christian principles. Sarah Palin was an inspired choice, and the Democrats are jealous. Their response has been to attempt to smear her, and demonstrate the depth of their moral depravity.

The political posturing aside, Sarah Palin is twice the "man" that Barack Obama is. In addition, she thinks for herself, and needs no one to tell her what to say. Yet, Obama wants to be President. How ridiculous is that?

A STUPID QUESTION: Every day on ". . . Millionaire," each contestant is asked, "Are you ready to play?" Just once, I'd like to hear, "In a minute; right now I have to pee."

Grumble

While I ponder how I have become one of the holier-than-thou, because of my immunity to political correctness, I am growing increasingly angry with P BS, because they have gone completely digital, and until I buy some government mandated equipment, I have no P BS picture. So, last night I watched reruns, because I couldn't receive "Masterpiece Mystery," which I hadn't seen, and others of which I have frequently enjoyed.

I find it hard to swallow their explanation that because their tower is in the foothills, they have had to make the changeover when the weather permits. With the complexity of today's technology, couldn't they accomplish the work now, reroute the controls to the studio, and throw the switch in February with everyone else?

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS LECTURE PREVIEW: A word is a word. A person can only be offended by a word if he allows himself to be. I don't allow myself to be offended by words. As we learn in the old adage, "Sticks and stones, etc."

9/11

On this auspicious date, it's time to get back to things of import. Following are some of my recent submissions to TV on the subjects of: 1. The economy (used), 2. Change, 3. Issues, and 4. Political correctness [used].

1. The Democrats want you to be worried about the economy. John McCain has jumped on the fear express as well, for the same reason -- votes. If you have training and/or skills, things will miraculously improve after the election.

2. What would make anyone think I want change? The founders created the best government the world has ever seen, and all we have to do is keep it out of our business, let the economy right itself, and watch our backs around the world.

3. More taxes or less taxes? Live babies or dead babies? Winning the war or losing the war? Rampant illegals or controlled immigration? Drilling for oil or buying foreign oil? Health care as a responsibility or a gift? We need someone who cares about these issues.

4. [I suggest the Colusa High School Redskins adopt the new nickname "The Victims" -- of political correctness.] Maybe some of the distant relatives of "The Hittites" or "The Visigoths" won't complain. How about "The Druids," who were the original Blueskins?

More excitement

I watched "The Terminator" on TV, and, for me, going to a public restroom will never be the same again. In among the quasi-science, faux-science, and general science fiction, there was a scene where a urinal morphed into a woman. The man had just prepared for use, and zap! -- bowl embarrassment, followed by death.

On "Fringe" the name of the evil corporation was Massive Dynamics. That's almost as humorous as the names of the stores on "Chuck" -- Buy More and Large Mart. Unfortunately, "Fringe" takes itself seriously.

Next.

Nobody cares

Today, I went to the lab for my monthly blood-letting to check the thinness of my blood and my cholesterol level. Afterward, I bought and consumed about 5,000 calories worth of fast food, because it was mid-afternoon, and I had fasted for the tests. Isn't that interesting?

Tonight, I will be watching "Fringe" to see if it's worth a second viewing. To do so, I will have to skip "America's Got Talent," which has grown very wearisome, so I won't care. I should be able to catch the last 30 minutes though, so I can vote. I love voting; it gives me a feeling of power, which, of course, is nonsense.

Tomorrow, I plan to get up as early as usual, and after brunch, I will. . . oh, nobody cares.

TODAY'S WORD: Phlebotomist.

Wilbur

A member of the family has left us. He grew old and infirmed and had to be euthanized. He was buried right in the pen where he had lived for the last five years. Eventually, the fence will come down, and the spot will be indistinguishable from the nearby grave of our dog with the yellow eyes.

Wilbur started living with one of us in the high desert. He later came here during a move, because we have acreage. He was not a source of entertainment, and only ate and slept a lot. Small and cute when young, Wilbur, the pot-bellied pig looked like any other at the end. Hopefully, he's now in piggy heaven.

Response

In his Wednesday (9/3) response to my letter to the editor defending President Bush, Larry Phipps of Paradise, after accusing me of being satirical, disrespected the office of the President, lied about our standing in the world, and advocated socialism. For good measure, he implied I support John McCain, without having a speck of evidence to that effect.

Conversely, I will assume, similarly without proof, that Phipps intends to vote for Barack Obama, a man whose pastor, and several close associates are racists, and who is a product of the Chicago political machine. Sure, the terrorists love Obama, but will he make Phipps feel less hated and safer, or are those emotions that lie only inside each of us?

Because I am sure my income is significantly less than Phipps', I would ask him socialistically to help reduce "the chasm between the haves and have nots" by giving me enough of his accumulated wealth to even out our finances. (That may be some of that satire that Phipps imagines.)

Phipps of Paradise is living in a fool's paradise if he thinks that destroying the Presidency, instituting socialism, punishing rich people and oil companies, appeasing the tinhorn dictators of the world, and electing a man who insensitively said that a baby conceived out of wedlock is "punishment," will improve his life. (Published 9/15)

After Labor Day

Just to prove that there are others who agree with me about public baby nursing, I present the following letter to "Ask Amy," an advice column in the pamphlet:

"DEAR AMY: This is one more honest guy view of breast-feeding that I haven't seen mentioned. It's just plain sexually arousing to some of us. This can make us extremely uncomfortable.

"My wife and I made a few concessions that kept our children happily nursed, and others comfortable. She nursed before or after we ate out in public; or she took expressed milk in a bottle; and we chose to dine out where there was access to some private space -- or simply went to our car. -- Honest Dad"

(No labor was expended in creating this post. I never work on Labor Day.)