A Brief Respite

Today in my local newspaper. a section entitled "Briefs" provides three sources of amusement:

1. A retired college professor (name withheld to spare the family my insensitivity), age 94, died. He is survived by his wife of 70 years. She thought he'd NEVER die.

2. On Friday, a young man, age 20, ran off the road on Highway 162 and tore out 150 feet of fencing. 150 feet!?? On Monday, on another section of the same road, a woman, age unspecified, made what the Highway Patrol called "an unsafe turning movement," ROLLED OVER, and damaged about 60 feet of fencing near the Thunderhill Pheasant Club. Only 60 feet? What a piker!

3. The Thunderhill Pheasant Club sounds like a "hunt club." A hunt club is a place where some "sportsmen" throw out a lot of grain and other bird goodies to attract game to their property, so that a bunch of Elmer Fudds (Kwazy Wabbit) can, for a generous fee, come over and blast away at the easily indentified targets. There's often drinking and back slapping and a lot of "Did you see that sucker drop like a stone?" The deceased are either eaten or stuffed or discarded. Pick one.

A fourth humorous item is a quote from Lisa Heyamoto: "[Enjoy July 4th] 'cause fireworks, after all - say it with us now - are as American as brightly packaged Chinese-made bundles of gunpowder."

NIMBY

There are too many crazies with too much money and too much time on their hands. Today's example is from the seemingly prestigious Harvard and Children's Hospital Boston. After extensive research these "scientists" have concluded that fast-food restaurants are causing obesity in children by deliberately placing their stores in close proximity to schools. Nonsense!

Now, I don't care if there's a Burger King or a McDonald's in the back yard of every home where children live, nobody is forcing them to eat there. Have we given up completely on self-control? What about parental control? Shouldn't a good mother or father be able to say, "Don't eat in that place in the back yard."

And of course, there's education. Maybe that plethora of schools which have a fast-food restaurant within spitting distance could stress proper nutrition and exert some pressure on the children to eat healthy.

In summary, the fast-food industry is not the cause of obesity, and the cure lies with 1) the young individual, 2) the parents of the young individual, and 3) the education of the young individual as given by the parents and reinforced by the schools.

Conflicts

1. I say we let those two icons of feminine civility, Molly Ivins and Ann Coulter, fight it out. I mean a real old-fashioned kicking, punching, scratching, bitch-slapping, hair-pulling fight. Don't let 'em talk, though, and for heaven's sake, don't let 'em write anything.

2. I am constantly amazed by those persons who seem surprised that, during time of war, the government is spying on the enemy. I believe this tradition began when the first cave man sneaked over to his neighbor's place to try to discover the most efficient way to kill him and/or steal something from him. Since the advent of electronic surveillance, this activity has been significantly improved.

I applaud any steps that the U.S takes to ensure my security and liberty. Call me overly optimistic, but I believe the present actions are legal and necessary. Although someone could be investigating my phone and bank records, I am unconcerned because I HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. If you have been consorting with the enemy, I hope YOU are VERY worried.

Some losing politicians have complained that, before we were attacked and 3,000 Americans were assassinated, there wasn't enough vigilance. Now they say there's too much, and mostly for the same political reasons, they'll probably continue to try to dilute the program until we're attacked again. Then their finger-pointing can start all over.

Although it's always been true, we should now make this the motto of the 21st Century: "You can't have it both ways."

Clarification

Those who think that merely throwing money at a problem will solve it are seriously misguided. Begin by considering the millions of dollars wasted by some Katrina victims who, without careful supervision, spent their "entitlements" on frivolities instead of necessities. Next, there is the false altruism of raising the minimum wage. Businesses are not evil entities and most operate on a tight budget. When they must raise some salaries, they are forced to let some other people go. The same with government mandated paid maternity leaves. Businesses, much as they have done when discriminating against and firing smokers, will stop hiring women who might get pregnant.

I may have been premature in crowing about the significance of the discovery of WMDs, but it does appear that many of Saddam's weapons have been moved to Syria. I don't believe President Bush lied, and he has never wavered in his efforts to keep us secure. Those accusing him of anything less than sincerity are usually tax-and-spend politicians who believe that tearing him down will enhance their chances of re-election. Don't let them embitter you.

Good News -- Bad News

Today is a good day for America, but a bad day for the women of Massachusetts who are seeking work.

1. The amendment by the elitist coward, John Kerry (he served in Vietnam, you know), to cut and run from Iraq was soundly defeated 86-13 in the Senate.

2. A new report says that 500 canisters of mustard gas -- some of those WMDs that "don't exist" -- have been found in Iraq since 2003.

3. Hundreds of thousands of jobs have been saved because the Senate has rejected an increase in the minimum wage, although the Associated Press couldn't keep its liberal bias out of the report when it said, "House Republicans made it clear they do not intend to allow a vote on the issue 'fearing it might pass.'"

4. The People's Republic of Massachusetts is considering forcing businesses to give women FULLY PAID maternity leaves. At this moment, in board rooms all over the Commonwealth, the memo which will be surrepticiously circulated to all personnel directors is being formulated to say, "Hire no new women of child-bearing age."

Reviews

While driving home across the Land of Lincoln, I espied a small "art" theatre and had to stop for 90 minutes to enjoy "Land Mines Along the Border" starring John Wayne and Joe E. Brown. It's a Northwestern love triangle with Ingrid Bergman playing the part of the hypotenuse (Tom Lehrer). The Canadian Rockies were stunning, but color photography would have been nice. Because it's an old film, Ingrid had to settle for kissing her horse, while The Duke rode off onto the sunset and Joe E. cruised up the Mackenzie and eventually came upon an all-girl orchestra. The minor characters were actual miners, and the land mines were not so much mines as dynamite sticks. All the gold they found blew away in the wind, and the Mounties did have badges.

This week Bobbin had enough reasonable questions to avoid any filler. I'm hoping it's because some of you either submitted some qood questions, or so many silly ones, that he's beginning to get the picture.

Opinion

It is gratifying that some ordinary citizens who write letters to editors exhibit clear thinking and express those thoughts well. Today's example is a response (edited) to an editorial written in that newspaper I read.

"[I] take exception to the column's inference that because I oppose gay marriage, I am both a bigot and a fool. . . . Standing up for one's beliefs does not a bigot make. I am not a homophobe. I do not hate homosexuals, but I do believe deviant behavior should not be legitimized by the sanctity of marriage.

"I am told I must be tolerant. . . by. . . those [who] are themselves intolerant of me. How about a little tolerance for decency, or have we allowed our tolerance to replace our integrity?"

(ed -- Good Americans don't call each other bigots.)

Headlines Snippets

"Snakebite do's and don'ts" suggests that to avoid further injury, stay away from the snake.

(The cartoon)"For Better or Worse" has been discussing death and the possibility of the ashes from cremation being distributed in two locations, thus allowing someone to be "in two places at the same time."

"National sweep nets nearly 2,100 illegal immigrants"(AP) notes that the crackdown is called Operation Return to Sender.

"Drunken driver sentenced to nine years for accident that killed fetus" Hello abortionists, apparently a fetus IS a human being.

"Foreign couples wishing to select a baby's gender are heading to the U.S where the procedure is legal"(AP) Foes call it consumer eugenics. Wasn't there an infamous German dictator who had that idea first?

"Medical error deaths curbed"(AP) 122,300 patients didn't die in the past l8 months because approximately 3,000 hospitals decided to do something right for a change.

"News of the Weird" Dinner time! Mulligan's restaurant in Decatur, GA serves the "Hamdog"-- a half-pound of hamburger meat wrapped around a hot dog, which is deep-fried and served on a hoagie topped with chili, bacon and a fried egg. Yum. . . .

About Bobbin

This week's question with the obvious answer from that fellow who has no sense of humor and who dumped on one of my treasured personal reminiscences (and about 10 of my 15 minutes of fame) by implying that I was lying, is: "Is David McCallum, who plays Ducky on 'NCIS,' the same actor who was on 'The Man From Uncle'?"

If there was ever any doubt, the following dialogue in an episode of "NCIS" earlier this year made it abundantly clear:

Agent David -- "Ducky seems kind of familiar. Who does he look like?"

Gibbs -- "Illya Kuryakin."

I guess the questioner wasn't a big fan of either show.

The Solution

In the news today, there was another story about a released rapist repeating the crime. This is happening with growing frequency. In an attempt to combat it, we have established a system which violates the civil rights of these men by posting their names and addresses on the internet. (ACLU, where are you?)

The latest scientific theory is that treatment has little effect and, in many cases, isn't even given to, or can be refused by, the offenders. If experience tells us that they can never be trusted, why don't we simply KEEP THEM CONFINED? Possibly, in a few cases. the prospect of life imprisonment might deter some of them from committing the crime in the first place.

In any event, let's stop worrying so much about how the government may be monitoring our phone calls and take a positive step toward improving our security by keeping rapists off the street (and the ACLU can go back to pursuing other misperceived civil rights issues, like removing God from our society).

Bobbin About

Jay Bobbin @Zap2it answers questions about movies and TV. In an earlier post I quoted one particularly silly query about the familial relationship between Bo and Luke Duke. The very next week, Mr. Bobbin published the answer to the oldest of all old chestnuts, "Doesn't Warren Beatty have a sister who is also a performer?" I was going to post it for its entertainment value. Then, I thought, wait. . . maybe he was TRYING to be funny. Maybe it was humor.

It wasn't. It seems Mr. Bobbin has no sense of humor. In fact, he took offense at my suggestion that he might be clever, and then he rudely dismissed me. To his credit, he does use some good questions, but apparently, sometimes he needs just one more. He seems to be on his computer all the time, so if you have a question, no matter how jejune, he may need it now to fill a page.

Election

I just got back from voting. As I was coming down the 61, a sheet of water struck the Ford, and I had to slow down until it passed. "They" say it's going to be like this for several days, but then, how precise has weather forecasting ever been?

The animals seem to be fine, but I'll have to go out to the ridge as soon as I finish here, and before it gets dark.

Another "they" say the voter turnout has been light, as it very often is in the primary. I don't understand why some people can't take a few minutes to go over and show some interest in the democratic process. But for those who care, I'll see them at the Waffle Barn in the morning and we'll discuss the results. Some of us will respectfully disagree, but that's the American way.

Voting

Lesson 27: Those who don't vote can't really criticize, at least, not with any authority.

Tomorrow, many of us WILL vote (with the possible exception of those who have waited in vain for counsel from their favorite pop icons). Every election is characterized as "significant," but this one could actually impact life as we know it. There is such a dichotomy in this country that any change in leadership and/or philosophy is bound to cause someone some consternation.

Unlike the people of many countries, though, we will not riot in the streets. Most demonstrations in the past have been non-violent, and the major factions which are likely to be unhappy have such words as "peace" and "Christian" and "pro-" in their titles. That bodes well for a calm primary election.

Choose well, and God bless America.

Voting in the Heartland

Here along the Mississippi we are having an election. We have a fine candidate for Congress named Ms. Lonah Tedda. I must say that she and I may not be in agreement on the issues of abortion and gay marriage, but I think she realizes that they are not the business of government. She is scrupulously honest and mostly non-political. She makes it her business to know what her constituents want and votes accordingly. On those occasions when she feels strongly about an issue that does not have popular support, she holds one or more meetings here in Scott County to try to convince us, but in the end, she votes the will of the people.

She is forced to appease her party leadership, only insofar as she is now on three powerful committees, including Ways and Means. She takes nothing from special interests, has lobbyists submit written material, and will only exchange "Good Mornings" with them in the hallway.

She rarely misses a session and never misses a vote. If re-elected, this will be her third term, and I look forward to seeing her smiling face continuing to do the peoples's business in Washington.

Voting

Lesson 1: Advertising by groups titled __________ (insert name here - such as Citizens, People, Farmers, Christians, Iowans, etc.) FOR ___________ (insert - Good Government, Lower Taxes, Fairness, Mom and Apple Pie, etc.) are almost always AGAINST something. These are the people who think that saying they are FOR something will help them escape the stigma often attached to those who are more honest about their negativity, and frequently lose.