"I do"

All laws, rules and regulations, federal, state, county or municipal, mentioning marriage should be repealed. Marriage is a personal relationship between two individuals (or more, where religion permits). Ideally, it is solemnized in a house of worship by a recognized clergyman, however, any serious ceremonious pledging of love and fidelity before approving witnesses, such as friends and relatives, should be sufficient. A written document, outlining the expectations, and stating the promises of each party will be valuable as time passes. With the government out of the picture, private companies will no doubt create forms for this purpose. Sharing them from time to time, and modifying them as needed might strengthen the union.

Each person, married or single, should have exactly the same rights and privileges, and be subject to exactly the same governmental rewards and punishments. The government need neither recognize not interfere in the lives of married persons, and although they are coupled, married persons should neither ask for not accept anything more from government than they merited as single individuals.

This being said, my logic has one glitch. If I say there are documents that can be drawn up by lawyers that would regulate marital separation, either by divorce or death, I cannot avoid the fact that lawyers are officers of the courts, which are a part of government. Therefore, I do suggest that religious institutions, which created the concept of marriage, should volunteer to arbitrate these issues. Persons who have not made the Deity a party to their union should devise their own method, mutually agreed to before marriage, as outlined in the written document mentioned above. Absent such writings, all rights of the parties are abrogated. (Barack may take it "to spread around.")

Says who?

Now that the gift receiving (uh, giving) is over, I must get back to looking for trouble. So, I'm sitting here bathed in the light of my new floor lamp, watching my new TV in the popular digital format. For Monday TV, I am submitting the following reaction to Barack Obama being named "most admired:"

"Barack Obama, a cheap Chicago politician who bought an election with the help of a crooked fund raiser, who went to the wrong church for twenty years, associated with a known domestic terrorist, and vows to spread your wealth around? What's to be admired? Put him on the list just above Peewee Herman, who once entertained the kids."

The headline "Obama visits park, eats shaved ice," which appeared in yesterday's pamphlet, does not affect his placement on the list, right behind all those stars of entertainment that American's love. For instance, Zeljko Ivanek, who finally won an Emmy.

Funny money

Recently, I came into possession of a piece of Molvanian paper currency (1 strubl), and swallowing hard, I went into the local Bank of America to effect an exchange. Because this is a pleasant little town, the teller was not the usual nasty BofA employee, but she couldn't help me, because this is pleasant little town, and no one goes to, or has ever heard of, Molvania. She suggested that I visit The City, a large metropolis well known for its parades and exhibitions.

After a long ride over two toll bridges and through the hoods, I arrived at the Molvanian consulate, a cramped office located upstairs over a tattoo parlor, or a head shop, or a knife emporium, or all of the above. . . I tried not to look.

Amidst a stifling cloud of thick Molvanian cigar smoke, I discovered Simun, the chief consul, who was named for the patron saint of poverty. It turns out he himself has no need for currency, because, of course, he is a volunteer, and his sole reward is being allowed to live in the United States. I believe he sleeps in the back room, and hunts and forages in the adjacent spacious, world famous park.

Simun directed me to a small bank in a nearby alley, whose name was written in a script I don't read, but they welcomed my strubl, valued at 18 cents less the obligatory 10% fee, and they gave me $.16 American.

On my way back to the bus station, I mused that you can't buy anything for 16 cents. You might find a bag of items, one of which may be worth that amount, but they aren't sold separately. Near the 'hound station, I tossed one dime, one nickel and a penny into a Salvation Army bucket. It made me feel good, but not a lot.

Two for TV, one pending

The more money that's available to legislators, the more they'll spend. Waste expands to consume the available funds. No new taxes.

The person of the year was Vladimir Putin. He is now in complete charge of the second most powerful country in the world, and if Obama can't control him, he'll be the person of the year again next year, too. [pending]

If the legislators are so overpaid, why aren't there hundreds of candidates entering every election to get on board the gravy train? Could it be that it takes a special kind of person who is willing to do the dirty work?

FYI: It's official; I'm in love with Sarah Shahi.

Jorge bloviates/ football (as published)

I was reading the latest Jorge Smirnoff claptrap (letter to the editor 12/15), and began to chortle when he referenced Dr. Wayne Dyer, the pop psychologist and P BS fund-raiser, who lectures in his bare feet, because he thinks that adds credibility to his feel-good nonsense. Dyer also "gives" his books and tapes to viewers for a donation to P BS of $365. That's $365.

Suddenly, I looked immediately to the left on the page and saw your editorial, "While Obama is fixing things," a lengthy discussion of possible college football playoffs. Colleges were established to provide higher education to serious academics. Football is irrelevant, but because they are educational institutions, shouldn't those millions of dollars generated by big-time football programs be used to reduce the tuition of financially strapped degree seekers? Apparently, not so far.

Science II questions

For all we know, our ideas about gravity could be utterly wrong. -- "Donalbain"

Excuse me. Did my chief commenter say he's not sure about gravity? Was there some time in recorded history when it didn't exist, and nobody told us about it? Is it going to go away? Hasn't science told us it's all that keeps us from falling into the sun, which they say is a ball of fire? Won't we all die?

I don't know my commenter's scientific credentials, but if he knows what he's talking about, doesn't that make scientists look like weasels who can't or won't take a stand? If nothing can be proven, what's the point of investigating?

A basketful of puppies

Recently, I received a letter addressed by a loved one to "Angry Old Man." I plead guilty to being an old man. In fact, that was confirmed by a happening which occurred when I was in rehab for a broken hip. As I was rolling down the hall in my wheelchair, I passed by a two-man room, and I heard one old gentleman ask the other, "Who was that?" The response was, "Just some old man," and I instantly aged precipitously and gained a new name. In all fairness, the responder was the youngest inmate in the facility, who was there only because each day he had to ask someone where his room was.

However, I am not angry. Each day, when I awake, happy to be alive, I ask myself, "What can I do to make the world a better place?" I am comforted that I live in a wonderful country populated with millions of fine people. However, there a few Americans who have lost the spirit, and my contribution is to point them out and encourage their reformation.

To this end, I post here and contact newspapers and television. Most of the people with whom I take issue may be characterized as angry and hate-filled. There are school administrators who attack teachers, and teachers who frighten children. There are the politicians who lied about President Bush, and one Senator who is still trying to destroy the career of a specific private citizen. There are disgruntled losing voters who want to disrupt American life. And is there any legitimate excuse to continue to attempt to embarrass Sarah Palin, or enjoy the suffering of O.J. Simpson?

I'm concerned about the growing number of haters and criminals with whom the President-elect has and still does associate. I'm disturbed that Walmart has eliminated the hyphen, preparatory to the change of the name of our nation to The United States of Walmart (only Guinea-Bissau is hyphenated, and it's so third world). I question science regularly, but in a friendly manner, and my favorite commenter has taught me that science is unconcerned with proof. Does that mean that my medicine may or may not be good for me, but I should take it anyway?

My favorite literary milieu is humor, but I'm not Mel Brooks, so I frequently wax serious, but if something sounds satiric or sarcastic, it probably is. Not to be offended, though, because I try very hard not to be offended, and you should emulate me. (See. . . that's sarcasm.) Now laugh or I'll get angry. (Oops, I did it again.)

Three more

The hatred in this country that emanates primarily from liberal politicians is on display in the O.J. Simpson case. Cal Thomas, a popular columnist from Tribune Media, encapsulates the vengeful thinking in his comment, "In the matter of Orenthal James Simpson, justice was a little late, but last Friday -- 13 years after justice was delayed in a Los Angeles double murder trial -- it refused to be denied in a Las Vegas courtroom." Can you say, "Double jeopardy?"

I have supported President Bush for eight years, but I must take issue with his recent assertion that, "I don't think [Creation is] incompatible with the scientific proof that there is evolution." Proof? Then why is it called the theory of evolution? (Before you are tempted to say it -- yes, there are many unanswered questions about creationism, too. Take your pick -- theory or faith. Or is that the same thing?)

It has been several years since I had the power to hire and fire, but today, if I had employees, they would be told that anyone who joins the "gay-out" tomorrow, protesting the majority will of the people of the State of California, need not return to work thereafter. How's that for liberal meanness?

Response published l2/9*

Your article "Adviser to mayor also on the ascent" by Mary Lynne Vellinga, outlines exactly what is wrong with the public schools. It was the story of Michelle Rhee, the chancellor of schools in Washington, D.C. For openers, her unfortunate title puts one in mind of Otto von Bismarck ("The Iron Chancellor") of Germany (1871-90), who ruled as a virtual dictator, and, of course, Hitler, who was another infamous German Chancellor (1933-45).

Chancellor Rhee believes that teachers are primarily responsible for their students' performance, and she is scapegoating her way through the D.C. staff on the basis of that false premise. In fact, the teachers are only the fourth most influential factor in the education of the children.

1. The primary responsibility for their education falls to the children themselves. They must come to school prepared to learn, pay attention while they are there, and behave in a socially acceptable manner.

2. The parents bear the second most responsiblity. They must imbue their offspring with the principles of proper behavior, their cultural values, and as many pertinent facts as they have amassed during their life experience.

3. Because not all parents have all the knowledge their children will eventually need, someone in the past asked the government for help, and school boards were established to administer public school buildings that were erected to assist the parents in their task.

4. Finally, school boards are empowered to hire teachers to populate school buildings. They are there to supplement what the parents lack in the area of facts. Based primarily on personality, some teachers are more entertainingly effective at informing their students, but in my twenty years of teaching, I never observed any teacher who was unable or unwilling to educate any receptive child. That chancellor Rhee could find otherwise is incomprehensible.

* Edited down to 200 words, according to Bee rules.

Guns

Gun sales have increased by 100% since October in the North State. Gun dealers report that their customers cite the election of Barack Obama as the reason for their purchases.

The Interior Department ruled on Friday that concealed firearms can be carried in most National Parks and wildlife refuges, Haven't you ever felt unsafe in a National Park? Well, you may now.

O. J. Simpson, who was with a man who had a gun, was sentenced to 33 years in prison. Although he was probably only clumsily trying to retrieve his own property, he was punished mostly for his earlier murder acquittal. And you thought we were protected against that. Not a word from the Obamination.

BY THE WAY: Guns will continue to be banned in visitor centers and other buildings at National Parks (except for unincarcerated professional athletes and rappers.)

Sub-species

Yes, I was surprised. I used the word "sub-species," intending to be controversial, but it turns out I inadvertently revealed that I may be beginning to accede to the "science" which says that homosexuality is a normal human condition.

I have believed that homosexuality was a lifestyle choice, frequently dictated by a desire to have sex at any cost. I have acknowledged that people of the same sex can have an honest affection for each other, but sodomitic sexual activity still seems to me to be immoral.

Now, I have used the word sub-species, one meaning of which is "a named subdivision (as a race or variety) of a taxonomic species." So, that is not so much insulting as accurate, and I stand by it. However, the more accepted that gays and lesbians become, the more important it is that they exhibit civilized behavior, and rioting and intolerance of others are not examples thereof.

Proposition 8 forever

Throughout the history of the United States, we have commended ourselves that we have held elections, after which the losers have accepted their fate respectfully, without the rioting in the streets characteristically found in some less orderly societies. That is, until November 2008, when that observance of propriety was demolished by gays and lesbians, an avowed sub-species of Homo sapiens, who protested the majority vote of the people of the State of California. The moment a police presence was needed, our proud tradition was shattered, and shame was brought to our election.

To add to the humiliation, Don Barnett, in his 12/1 letter to the Sacramento Bee, threatened that we should "be prepared to be appalled [by such behavior] for a long, long time," and referred to the vote of the people of California as "injustice." Barnett ended his rant by promising a "celebration" when and if the will of the people is subverted. Will there be police needed to control that event, as well?