Follow up

Without any research into his availability or health, it seems to me that Bill Cosby (William H. Cosby, Jr, EdD) would make a fine Presidential candidate. He is intelligent, educated, well-spoken and, like JFK and Ronald Reagan, has that essential sense of humor.

Stay tuned for my further recommendations.

Will be published

Many voters are disturbed that the Republican Party doesn't seem concerned that it doesn't yet have a candidate who is assured of defeating President Obama. I, personally, find it a great worry, and lament that I cannot accept the challenge. Unlike the many who lack the courage, I would, if younger and healthier, welcome the opportunity to serve.

To begin with, I can match the only two positive qualities the incumbent possesses -- I am also handsomer than Richard Nixon, and I am adept at public speaking, which I can do even without a teleprompter. I even know when to shut up, especially, as in the case of the death of Trayvon Martin about whom the President misspoke before he heard the facts.

I am not beholden to any political party, organized religion or questionable scientific theories, Right here in this section of the paper, I have offered bold solutions to most of the pressing social problems involving race, ethnicity and gender. I am not a financial expert, but I know the names of those who are, none of whom, by the way, presently work for the Obama administration. I would be an excellent candidate.

Confidence, passion and a sense of the dramatic could carry the day. I have those qualities, and if you do as well, I invite you to speak out and ask, "Where is our candidate?"

FIY

Although it has been two weeks since I cancelled, the Sacramento Bee continues to arrive. The service has been excellent, with all the parts intact. Explain that one. . . .

Dave

For many years, I enjoyed David Letterman. There were times I watched his entire show almost every night. He was clever, personable and much admired.

Lately, he has changed. He has grown repetitive, and the humor is less creative. Most disappointing, since the beginning of the Republican debates, he has embarked on a crusade of partisan criticism, seizing on every one of their peccadillos in an attempt to discredit the candidates. It seems mean-spirited and displays an obvious liberal bias. Apparently, in his old age, he has lost his objectivity.

I now find myself occasionally watching some Leno, who has never been particularly funny, because, at least, he recognizes that the President, with his failed policies and desperate attempts to justify them, is also a rich source of humor.

After the election, I will probably check Dave out again, but if he has truly gone over to the dark side, he will either be gleefully deluded or a bitter old loser -- depending upon the result. I suspect he may never be funny again.

Your choice

A cartoon by Andy Singer offers an alternate federal income tax form which would allow each payer to allocate his contribution according to his desires. I have long thought that was a good idea, and his version is quite cleverly inclusive. The first column are the percentages he assigns to each category, and the second column reflects mine. What are yours?

MILITARY 0% -- 30%
VETERAN'S ADM. 10 -- 10
TRANSPORT 10 -- 10
PARKS & ENVIRON. 10 -- 5
WELFARE 10 -- 0
F.E.M.A. 5 -- 5
ARTS/MEDIA 5 -- 0
HEALTHCARE 10 -- 0
EDUCATION 10 -- 0
ENERGY & SCIENCE 10 -- 0
FOREIGN AID 5 -- 0
LAW ENFORCEMENT 10 -- 40
AGRICULTURE 5 -- 0
N.A.S.A. 0 -- 0
Total 100% -- 100%

(What seems to be missing is FIRE PROTECTION.)

Two miracles required

In celebration of St. Patrick's Day, we discovered a long-overlooked tub of feta cheese which had turned green in the fridge, and threw it away. With the hundreds of saints of the Catholic Church, it is curious that St. Patrick's feast day is the only one that has developed into an occasion for drunkenness and boiled cabbage. Couldn't we find some nice Italian saint to feast with pizza and Pepsi, the official beverage of MLB? Wasn't there a St. DiMaggio? Wouldn't that have been Joseph or his brother Vincent?

APPARENTLY, the cost of newsprint is negligible, because I am still receiving the Bee almost a week after I supposedly cancelled. Parenthetically, their editorial today described Rush's use of the words "slut" and "prostitute" as less than civil, but fell short of characterizing them as having been inaccurately applied to Ms Fluke.

Class envy

Lately, I frequently read about income equality, and I must do what I can to discredit this communist concept. It is important that everyone understands how destructive to American life it would be if we were to allow anyone to convince us that it is moral to attempt to elevate the poor by punishing the achievers.

[For the most part, the founders were affluent, and they acknowledged that there two large groups who were not equal to them. Women were actually revered as superior, and placed on a pedestal. Slaves, conversely, remained essentially powerless.] Subsequent Amendments to the Constitution gave [both of those groups] political equality, but there is no mention of income equality, just equality of opportunity. Everyone now has access to public education; all we have to is apply ourselves. Hard work is the other major key to success.

No one can guarantee riches, but with preparation and application, Americans have the best opportunity of any people in the world to create a pleasant life for themselves, and they must be free to distribute their fairly-taxed earnings as they see fit. It's what the founders envisioned, and it has never meant taking money from the rich to create income equality.

UPDATE: Promptly, in an immediate answer to my letter, the Bee delivered a non-apology. With no mention of being sorry for the glitches in delivery, or any promise to make improvements to keep my business, they petulantly affirmed I had cancelled my subscription. Then, fresh upon their disappointing performance on Sunday, they mentioned I owed them $23 for the days since I didn't pay my renewal. How thoughtful. I will pay it because I always honor my responsibilities, and because I'm sure the Bee would send it to collection as any other mean-spirited liberal institution would.
OUTCLASSED: The Bee just wrote it off, like real people would.

To the Bee/customer service

On Sunday, our paper was delivered MINUS our three favorite sections -- Traveler, a&e, and Parade. To be fair, things have been acceptable since my last complaint (1/30), but I'm afraid we cannot tolerate the uncertainty any longer, when failure just pops up to spoil our day.

My letter outlined that I needed to know who makes this inserting mistake if I were to renew. You have convinced me you don't care, because you have neither provided that information nor permanently corrected the problem. So, I'm severing my connection to your lies and neglect of duty. Goodbye.

High-speed rail

(I can't seem to get through to the Bee, so I'll put my snarky letter here.)

I've lived in Fresno, and since Buck Owens died, I suspect even the country music fans don't go the Bakersfield any more, and there are some south state people who don't even know where Fresno is. (I met one once.) Why should we build a section of track between those cities with no guarantee that any more will be added?

We already have high-speed transit. It's called an airplane, and check-in delays are improving, so the speed will soon easily be as quick as it used to be. Instead, let's spend the money on welfare for people who seem to need it because they say they are unhappily unemployed and/or disabled. Hopefully, most of it will go to those who are deserving, and someday we may elect some new legislators who will create a structure to better insure that happens.

Three for fun

1) The lone wolf known as OR-7 has crossed back over into California after less than a week in Oregon. He jumps from state to state almost as often as Sandra Fluke jumps from bed to bed.

2) It was named "First Knight," a film about King Arthur (Sean Connery) and Lancelot (Richard Gere) in a love triangle with Julia Ormond (Guinevere), who plays the part of the hypotenuse. After a plethora of swordfighting, Arthur is killed and given a Viking funeral. The only reason I can see for implying he was of Norse background is that it gave the director the opportunity to push the ritual barge out onto the lake, and when it was about 100 yards away, have one archer launch an improbable single, high-arcing flaming arrow which flew directly to the target and created what looked like an immediate gasoline-fueled blaze. How dramatic; so Hollywood!

3) My favorite moderately-priced beer is Moosehead, a product of St. John, New Brunswick, eh. If you drink only to get drunk, Budweiser and other popular American swill is slightly cheaper.

A new word

Fortuitously, just after we were told by Sandra Fluke of her frequent, promiscuous sexual liaisons with multiple partners, and having such behavior be labeled as that of a slut, we learned she pronounces her name "fluck." So, in response to first born's criticism that there doesn't seem to be a word to describe a man who engages in the same kind of immorality, I offer a new appellation -- flucker.

REGRET: Yesterday, the annual Iditarod began. One of few things I regret in life is never having participated in that event. I love dogs and solitude, and the thought of mushing through the night, accompanied only by my faithful, loving animals, infuses me with a pleasant, warm feeling. That, and the spirit of competition, makes me wish I were there.

If I'm wrong, I'll apologize

Some crazy militant feminists have encouraged a seemingly reasonable thirty-year-old, third-year law student to go to Congress, and request to tell everyone that she enjoys the kind of promiscuous sexual behavior that usually labels a woman a slut. Then, when she spoke to a handful of only Democrats and only during a House recess, she asked that the government supply her with free condoms, because "she couldn't afford them." There is another name for someone who accepts money or goods to facilitate the sex act.

The poor deluded woman used the unlikely name of Sandra Fluke. How embarrassing! I believe there are a Mr. and Mrs. Johnson (or something) out there who hope their friends and relatives haven't seen their average-looking daughter with the retro hair style making a fool of herself.

Meanwhile, that other fool in the White House called her to suggest that her parents must be proud. What kind of perverted morality is that? Parents all across the country are thanking God she isn't their daughter. Hers will have plenty of time, however, to reinstruct her when, unemployed, she will be staying with them while she waits for some really desperate law firm to call.

Parks and Wreck; Beauty and the Waste

I paid California income tax for thirty years, and it was my understanding that a portion of that was to go to maintaining and improving the state parks. That system was in place before I arrived, but I felt it was justified, and, in fact, I even paid an entry fee on several occasions to supplement my contribution.

Over the years, however, the lawmakers (for most of whom I didn't vote) have allowed the parks to fall into disrepair, and they are now closing some of them. You know where much of that money has gone instead, and we all know how much of it has been wasted.

For several months now I have been receiving solicitations from the California State Parks Foundation, a charitable organization dedicated to doing the job the Legislature has abdictated. I am deeply saddened that future generations may be deprived of some of the beauty I have enjoyed, but I am very angry about what the government has done, and I want them to fix it instead of forcing me to "hire" someone else to clean up their mess.

(My earlier suggestion to cut the size of the Legislature in half would probably fund the whole thing, if not more.)