Two for TV

1. I trust my son to see and rate modern movies for me, and I occasionally purchase one he says I may enjoy more than once. I have better things to do than rent bad movies, and only have enough money to spend on the best.

2. (USED, SURPRISINGLY) We are approaching the end of the decade of bad taste. It was ushered in by the racist Reverend Jeremiah Wright, then we met Imam Rauf and his plans to disrespect the victims of 9/11, and now we have Glenn Beck who'll do almost anything for attention. Makes you long for the stupid immorality of Paris Hilton.

"All will be revealed"

They lied. "Persons Unknown" had made the title promise, but, probably around Thursday, they either had their contract renewed or were promised negotiations, because they gave us a cliff-hanger instead. I actually enjoyed it, because I had been dreading something really stupid, and although frustrating, it didn't insult anyone's intelligence. If it comes back, I may even continue to watch it. Mission accomplished?

FRIDAY: The true test of a good movie or play is how soon my butt begins to ache. "Burn After Reading" went by too quickly and without posterior discomfort. You gotta love those Coen brothers. I rate it top five Coen of the nine I have seen (most McDormand's). I do assess, however, that there were several more uses of variations of the word "fuck" than were needed to establish character or further the plot.

Prudence. . . jurisprudence

I'm as proud as a peacock. On Tuesday, in her latest adventure as a juror, first born was selected as foreperson. This is the young lady who, xx years ago, so tentatively delivered the clever high school valedictory speech (I wrote for/with her), that she has avoided public speaking ever since, but I knew she could do it, and my faith has finally been rewarded.

In fact, I am somewhat jealous. Unlike those who try to avoid jury duty, she and I have always welcomed the opportunity for public service. However, she has served on four panels, and although I have been called 3-4 times, I was needed only once.

The prosecutor in this trial was the lame duck District Attorney for whom we had voted, and whose sign we displayed, and although the defense attorney knew much of her connection with him, he did not excuse her. His overconfidence was not misplaced, because the prosecution didn't have much of a case, and the defense decided not to respond. Of the five possible charges, the jury chose the least onerous. They thought it was logical that in the angry confrontation between the young estranged lovers, he probably struck her, not as violently as she and her parents said, and even though the police were not called, she didn't seek medical assistance, and there were no pictures. Obviously, his punishment will be determined by his past record. Drugs and alcohol were mentioned in passing, so there may be something more than a stern talking-to.

Something completely different, again

It's the bottom of the sixth, the last inning of a Little League World Series baseball game. The team in the field is leading 3-1. There's one out and a runner on first. The batter hits a screaming line drive up the middle, and the little second baseman, full of the drama of the situation, leaps in the air, possibly higher than he ever has before, and snags the ball.

Big league play, right? What comes next is even better. Although we can't see how far on TV, the runner is off first base. We think, "Throw over; double him up." Instead, the second baseman takes a few menacing steps toward the runner, chasing him back, and then he breaks out in a big grin. The ball is stuck in the webbing of his glove, and he can't get it out until he takes the glove off. He is laughing as he does. That's big league presence of mind.

Parenthetically, the pitcher strikes out the next batter, preserving the victory. It just had to end that way.

The 9th Circus (as published 8/26)

The 9th U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals [with the above appropriate nickname] is completely unpredictable. This week was a perfect example. They divided themselves into two three-person panels, each apparently different from the other, and two decisions came forth -- one quite good, and the other completely outrageous.

The first panel postponed the confusion of more gay marriages, pending an appeal to the U.S. Supreme Court, whose decision should settle the issue, hopefully, for many years to come. I commend their perspicacity.

The second decision ruled that the Stolen Valor Act is unconstitutional. On an appeal from some fool who lied about having earned a Medal of Honor, the majority of the panel said, "There's no evidence that such lies harm anybody."

I'm sorry, but as a holder of the Medal of Honor, I am hurt by how his lie has diminished some of the glory of my award, and that of all the other honorees. Oh, wait. . . I don't have a Medal of Honor, but that's OK, because the 9th Circuit has just ruled that lying is completely constitutional.

Is that what we've come to in this country?

I am, indeed, holier, Pansy

My favorite newspaper editor told Hamett that his discussion with me was over; so, apparently, one of his friends, Pansy Palmer, responded for him. She laid into me with words and phrases such as "problem with the truth," "cowardly, "zero credibility," and "insulting." She closed with that literary gem, "He knows where he can go. . . " Is that the way for a Pansy to talk?

She actually researched other letters I had written, looking as far back as February, to attempt to discredit me. Because she claimed to be a Republican, I decided she merely misunderstood, or was under Hamett's sway.

Therefore, I constructed a "really friendly" letter, carefully pointing out her misinterpretations, but my editor finally realized what was going on and refused to publish it. So, I asked him to send my missive of conciliation directly to Pansy, and, much to my surprise, HE DID. In her place, I would be embarrassed to have been so vitriolic to such a nice guy as I.

(Sarcastic? Me? Maybe a little. Will Pansy ferret it out?)

SUBMITTED TO TV: Even if he had died six months ago, Brett Favre would still have shown up to Vikings' training camp yesterday. He will keep playing until he completely decays, because the money in pro football is more important than life.

Baseball

Always on the lookout for interesting uses of language and clever combinations of words, I heard an entertaining example yesterday. After many years of following baseball on radio and TV, for the first time, I heard the pitcher standing on the pitching mound referred to as being "out on the bump." Almost every game, you will see and/or hear something you've never encountered before. That's the charm of the "national pastime."

In this time of national uncertainty and changing fortunes, it is comforting to know that there is someplace where the rules never change, and no one is punished for differences of opinion or honest mistakes.

MOSQUE MISTAKE: I think I have heard President Obama speak more often than the twelve previous Presidents with whom I have lived COMBINED. With that much babble, it's inevitable he would occasionally say something wrong. I have also heard him apologize for his gaffes with annoying frequency. He should embrace my father's advice -- If you don't understand the subject, keep your mouth shut. (I haven't always observed that admonition, but I'm not the President. However, unlike the President, I love my country, and my comments are always meant to honor her laws and traditions.)

Happy birthday. . .

although she never reads here. She's a dedicated Pedestrian.

Instead, here are three recent submissions:

1. (AS SEEN ON TV) The President has saved the jobs of some teachers and cops with money that doesn't yet exist. Wouldn't it be great if the giant tax increase to cover this cost only fell upon those parents who do the least to educate their own children, and then complain about the schools?

2. (AS PUBLISHED IN THE NEWSPAPER) Regarding pictures of illegal aliens in the newspaper, the only such photos that many of us want to see are ones of illegals being perp-walked back over the border. The sight of President Obama standing in the background, smiling and applauding, would be a nice bonus, too.

3. (AS SEEN ON TV) The Obama administration is talking about spending several trillion dollars. Do you suppose that much money even exists in the world? On trees? In China? In your children's and grandchildren's pockets?

EXTRA: Buoyed by number-one ratings, the misnamed talent show continues. They are going to bring back people who didn't get enough votes the first time, and embarrass them again. I wonder how many of the rejected turned down the "opportunity." Wouldn't you?

I don't believe it

Last night, on that misnamed talent show, the final contestant was a ten-year-old girl who had been discovered on UTube with the operatic voice of an adult. I didn't believe her for a minute.

I was a voice student at Indiana University, and the young women's voices in college weren't that mature. Also, I thought I detected lip syncing as she "sang" with a recorded orchestra. But the clincher for me was the fact that when, before her performance, they showed three clips of her doing vocal exercises with her teacher, there wasn't the slightest hint that she could create the sound we heard on stage. That's because little girls' voices, and those of most mature women for that matter, cannot be sufficiently physically developed to produce such an operatic sound.

Last Standing

My favorite comic, Myq Kaplan, was the first of the final five to be eliminated. He is clever and a little edgy, and probably too esoteric for the general TV audience that did the voting. There were couple of contestants who had been eliminated by the judges earlier whom I enjoyed more than the four remaining, but now, I preferred the eventual winner. The last two were the only ones to perform, and his set was clearly superior, and cemented my decision.

I had planned to try to determine here the factors that brought about the selection of a man of Hispanic heritage, given the potential controversy it might evoke, but I have decided that the voters must have recognized that, in the tradition of George Lopez and Paul Rodriguez, he's funny. As I have always said, it is only illegal behavior to which Americans object.

Amo, amas. amat

With the newspaper's publication of "Hamett's back" (below), I am reminded of how often I have recently thought of the importance of love. I suspect it is because there is so much hatred out there these days. There are people in government who are trying to label what their legitimate political opponents say as "hate speech," and want to punish the actions of those who urge others to join them as "hate crimes." For instance, contrary to the First Amendment, there are those who would punish people whose religious convictions include a disapproval of homosexual behavior. And, much like Venezuelan dictator, Hugo Chavez, some in our government want to silence the radio voices of those who criticize the President and his minions.

Still more hate emanates from two huge programs, health care and economic reform, each over 2,000 pages full of rules and regulations buttressed by fines and imprisonment. Even I, a relatively innocuous member of the public, was recently threatened by The Census with a fine for withholding information of a personal nature which should be protected by law.

Yesterday, I sought out some love by going to a nearby medium-sized town for dinner with a family member whose birthday is imminent. It was a pleasant interlude, although today she is going to mediation to answer to the charges of a hate-filled animal control officer who was having a bad day. We hope the officer either has another bad day today, or decides to stay home, and the judge shows some love.

UPDATE: The "arbitrator" (not a judge, as I had surmised) was true to his title and cut the $200 penalty in half. The dog will not have it taken out of his allowance.

What would Jorge say?

"Did you see how Bush caused the tragic fires in Russia? After we stopped his oil spill, he decided to send global warming to attack his former enemy, Vladimir Putin. You'll notice while Russia is receiving God's wrath at Bush' bequest, Texas, the home of the devil incarnate, has been spared."

(Actually, we haven't heard from Jorge since February. That's the good news.)

FAME WHORE: (As seen on TV, AGAIN) The Constitution makes no provision for marriage, except for the freedom of religion in the First Amendment. Marriage, after all, is a purely religious concept, and I suspect the founders are not happy that we have allowed it to be secularized. Why would anyone marry for anything but love?

Morton's assault

In the past, I have usually found Morton Kondracke to be generally sensible, but his recent syndicated column about immigration is rife with misinterpretations and popular political buzz words.

First, he refers to that incorrect assumption that illegal aliens will do the "work that American citizens. . . won't do." Let's be clear -- Americans will only fail to labor in the fields for the same insultingly small amount of money that disreputable employers pay illegals in contravention of federal law.

Next, Kondracke makes reference to "Hispanic voters." This is a misnomer. All citizens are potential voters, and categorizing any of them by race or ethnicity only promotes racism, and encourages political pandering. It as improper as if I were to refer to myself as a "Slavic-Germanic voter." The laws are made for everyone, and all citizens are equal.

In addition, Kondracke bemoans the fact that illegal aliens cannot achieve legal status by joining the military. I served in the Army with a young Canadian man who had earned an American college degree on the appropriate visa, and chose military service rather that leaving the country when it expired. If other aliens and their parents had desired either or both of those outcomes, they should have followed the same legal procedure that my fellow soldier did.

Finally, Kondracke misspeaks when he says the immigration system is broken. What is broken are the laws, and the Obama regime is making insufficient effort to discourage further such felonious behavior.

AS SEEN ON TV: I really can't decide which annoys me more, the holier-than-thou attitude of PETA, or the eagerness of some hunters to kill something. Life is so complicated for us omnivores.

(What's that? Some people at the door with buckets of blood and guns?)

UPDATE: Early Friday morning there was a knock at my door. Fortunately, it was only the woman who picks our olives. Phew. . . .

Hamett's back (published 8/9)

A Republican is a member of a specifically organized political group which holds regular meetings, collects dues and/or contributions, actively sends members out to propagate its beliefs, and from which some members are chosen to run for public office. Because I am in no way thus engaged, Douglas W. Hamett's letter of 8/1, calling me a Republican, begins with a false premise. Also, when he attempts to punish me for what he perceives to be the sins of Republicans [ab ovo], he reveals that he only focused upon my reference to compassion, and ignored the main thrust of my earlier letter, in which I refused to accept guilt for the acts of those over whom I had no control.

I come from a time when Americans accepted full responsibility for their actions and their futures. When they had insurmountable problems or grew old and/or infirmed, they were able to call upon their families or their churches to help them. Some of us believe that allowing the government to usurp that function is a sign of moral weakness.

Now, the cost of all those government "entitlements" has come home to roost, and while Hamett enjoys his "free" money, I am pondering what I can tell my grandsons and greatgranddaughters about the $3 trillion debt with which we have burdened them.

True compassion begins at home, not in the halls of Congress, and is measured not in dollars, but by love.