Some snarky submissions

The Supreme Court corrected Sonia Sotomayor's racist mistake. Will she remember the lesson when she's on the Court. [As seen on TV]

After funding police, firefighters and the infrastructure, everything else should be discretionary. The [State] tax forms should provide a list of programs, and each of us could cherry-pick the ones we want to support, and to what extent.


When Bernie Madoff is 146 years old, his sentence will be half over. Much like his victims' return on their investments, it's something for him to look forward to.

Pop goes the king

This will be short, because some of you may not appreciate my candor. Michael Jackson was a cute child. Too bad he never grew up. Of course, it's not my kind of music, so I will not miss him.

EXTRA: Speaking of small children, the highlight of the three premiere hours of "America Has Talent" (clumsily misnamed " America's Got Talent") were three children, ages 8-11 -- two singers and one dancer. Like the young Michael, charming all. I hope their journeys go more smoothly.

Another week shot to hell

Before the weekend, when President Obama will play golf, entertain his dog, and sneak out for some fast food, he appeared with German Fuehrer, Angela Merkel; and not wanting to reveal to her his innate timidity, he scoffed at Ahmadinejad's call for an apology. Will he now do something? Of course not; it will be the weekend, and he'll be busy pondering how much he might do to ensure his re-election. He won't be going to church either, because he hasn't yet found one that's worthy of him.

It is encouraging that an embarrassingly small number of The Faithful watched his hour-long Lie-of-the-Day about socialized medicine on Wednesday night. I didn't watch. Did he say anything about freeing the hostages, supporting Iranian freedom, or protecting us from the North Korean nuclear threat? I mean. . . ANYTHING?

Brief break

I was surprised that the TV used the following submission yesterday:

"It's hard to take the concept of medical marijuana seriously when all the growers I've seen on television look and sound like Tommy Chong."

Not today

Someone killed the "Angel of Iran." Lovely Neda lay dead in the street, and President Obama has said he wants to see how "it all shakes out." When the two hostages die, or missiles strike Honolulu, will he still be so uninvolved?

The breeders of Portuguese water dogs, like Bo, the first dog, are very selective about who gets them. With the President's cavalier attitude toward human life, will someone, like PETA, suggest we rescue Bo? Will that lose Obama that all-important Portuguese vote?

Maybe tomorrow

The two journalists are still being held hostage, Iranians are still rioting in the streets begging for our support, Independence Day is rapidly approaching, and North Korea is still fueling up its missiles for a shot at Hawai'i and/or Alaska. Meanwhile President Obama went before a media convention and cracked wise, because he didn't have a broken elbow on which to fall back.

POSSIBLE LIE OF THE DAY: John McLaughlin, on his Sunday P BS show, predicted that, by the end of the year, Chrysler will produce a car that gets 50 MPG and will cost less than $5,000. It will be perfect for transporting you and your playing partners, and your woods and irons, from the tee to the green.

Luke 15 (4-6) -- The Holy Bible in Today's English Version, 1976

"3 So Jesus told them this parable: 4 Suppose one of you has a hundred sheep and loses one of them -- what does he do? He leaves the other ninety-nine sheep in the pasture and goes looking for the one that got lost until he finds it. 4 When he finds it, he is so happy that he puts it on his shoulders 6 and carries it back home. Then he calls his friends and neighbors together and says to them, 'I am so happy I found my lost sheep. Let us celebrate!'"

Does the President read English, or the Bible?

LIE OF THE DAY: Starting a new feature today, we take a fact and give it a traditional Democrat politician's spin. Secretary of State, Mrs. Bill Clinton, broke her elbow yesterday (here comes the lie), hoisting too many drinks at lunch. It has not been determined whether the arm action caused the damage, or she got sloppy drunk and fell in the parking lot. The version of the lie you choose to believe is up to you, but spread it around; tell your friends.

I won't stop until they're free

In 1962, President John F. Kennedy challenged the second most powerful nation in the world, the Soviet Union, and simply told them to remove their missiles from the Western Hemisphere or we would blow their ships out of the water. The Communists blinked, and there are no missiles in Cuba to threaten our citizens.

We are still the most powerful nation in the world, and it now falls to President Obama to protect all our citizens from nuclear attack, and two particular citizens from unfair treatment, even if he has to threaten to level the entire third world country of North Korea. The President who thinks he's the Messiah, or Lincoln, or FDR should be able to accomplish that. What's he waiting for?

ANOTHER BIRTHDAY: She would have been 70 today. Sadly, she perceived her life as a series of ill-fated missteps. Those of us who loved her will cherish her goodness, and will always remember the happy times.

Fleisch Wasser?

Yesterday's video clip was of President Obama killing a fly with his bare hand, and exclaiming, "Got that sucker." The only "sucker" I want him to "get" right now is that tinhorn dictator of North Korea who is holding two Americans hostage.

By the way, now, after the trial and conviction, the North Koreans have released the "evidence." Yeah, right.

BY ANOTHER WAY: The title question is what the German shopkeeper said to the American tourist when he asked for a fly swatter. It means "flesh water?"

Meanwhile,

The Secretary of State, Mrs. Bill Clinton, went to Niagara Falls, Ontario, That's the Canadian side, you see, because heaven forbid, she might go to North Korea and bring back those hostages. And yesterday, President Obama bloviated for over an hour to the AMA, and passed out enlistment papers and civil service applications. How will the doctors be able to afford their yachts on government salaries?

Isn't Monday doctors' golf day? Did Barack join them on the course before or after the speech? Do you suppose those hostages are allowed to shoot a round of golf in between torture sessions?

The First Lady is also unconcerned about the treatment of the hostages. Yesterday, she hosted a jazz music tutorial, so she wouldn't have to think about her husband's indifference.

EXTRA: A poll has determined that the majority of Americans call themselves "conservative." Three choices that would have meant something would have been:
1. People who honor the founders and the Constitution they gave us,
2. People who don't, and
3. People who are oblivious.

Gentlemen:

Are you as tired of seeing President Obama on TV every day as I am? Even if the woman you consider the most beautiful in the world, (insert name here), appeared naked on TV every day, you'd eventually stop watching. What makes Obama think we want to see him ad infinitum?

On Thursday, he went to Green Bay, Wisconsin. TV was there, just as they appear everywhere he is. Nobody else ever goes to Green Bay except football fans on the days the Packers play. It would seem better if Obama had gone to North Korea with a contingent of Marines, and retrieved those two young ladies who are being held hostage. That would be something the government should actually be doing.

Published today in the Enterprise-Record

I had always had the greatest respect for Native Americans. That is, until the day they were induced by Big Gambling to engage in an enterprise that is a tribute to avarice, and an invitation to personal moral and financial degradation.

Casino gambling, which reached its apex under the aegis of gangsters, can be commended for only one thing. They freely admit they have tipped the odds heavily in their favor. Therefore, Indian casinos appeal to the greed and ignorance of those who believe they can win consistently, when they have been told they cannot.

Then, Sandra Knight, vice chair of the Medhoopda Tribe, in her letter on June 6, naively asserts that Big Gambling "has no authority over the (Tribe's) project," that being the building of yet another casino which is neither needed nor wanted.

I would ask her, and the Indians of America, why doesn't the tribe choose some commercial enterprises that are more morally uplifting and beneficial to society, and get out from under the thumb of Big Gambling?

Attention Sgt Maj Blane

AlGore, the Nobel propagandist, sent two young Americans to the Chinese border with North Korea, and they are now being held hostage by the tinhorn dictator of a third world country. Somehow, the two young ladies were found inside North Korea, charged with illegal entry, and sentenced to twelve years at hard labor.

This, apparently, is the punishment that North Korea exacts for the same offense that the United States rewards with jobs, education, welfare and health care. President Obama must act immediately to bring those young ladies home, and increase our border security. Now that he's back from flattering the rest of the world, he should have time to tend to those two matters. Perhaps, AlGore could also do something constructive for a change, and help, probably by keeping his big mouth shut.

Another birthday

I have no charming bowling story to relate for this birthday. Four years later, after two interim bundles of joy, my wife produced her final masterpiece, Because school was out for the year, I was able to be in attendance at all the festivities, although my mind grows fuzzy about who was attending to the other three offspring at the time. (A person named "Grandma" does seem likely.)

I do remember that, that summer, probably prompted by another mouth to feed, I sought a short-term job to supplement my teaching income. A group of sharpers had come to the area from Texas in a pink Cadillac. They rented a store-front, and established a boiler room. They began cold-calling people in the tri-city area, touting one of those coupon books which offers free or reduced price goods and services. The callers convinced as many of the potential customers as possible to give us their addresses, to permit the closers to seal the deal.

I became a closer. As I recall, the books sold for $20, and I got to keep half. If I sold more than a specific amount, there was also a bonus. Early each morning, I rang doorbells, frequently accosting people on their way out the door to work, and they bought a book, probably to ensure I left their now unattended homes. Some under-the-table money started coming in.

As the number of closers increased, however, the competition heated up, and some of them began to arrive at the office before dawn to snatch up the newest leads. Apparently, only people with jobs felt they could afford to take the chance that the coupons were good, and as I drove around between 8 and 4, I found fewer and fewer of them at home. Gas was dirt cheap, but not free, and I found my main activity was cruising around and listening to the pop music of the day on the radio. I remember my favorite song was the prophetic "We'll Sing in the Sunshine (then I'll be on my way.)," which played two or three times an hour.

On my last day of work, I encountered a woman who asked me the definitive question: "Do you know that the radio station you say sponsors this promotion went out of business three years ago?" When I didn't show up again, someone at the boiler room called. I didn't respond.

"Bees, it is"

I will not be watching the show (stupid reality), but I love the bees line in the advert.

The double episode of "The Goode Family" last night did not reach the high level of the premiere. Pity. EXTRA: George Will praised the premiere in his recent column. Good company to be in.

RIP: David Carradine, 72, Grasshopper.

As submitted to the editor of the Sacramento Bee

Your editorial "Memo to smokers" (6/2) presents a problem that is easily solved with two simple actions. To reduce and/or elimimate those offensive cigarette butts polluting the natural environment,

1. Ban all cigarette filters. They are the acetate (plastic) mentioned in your article, and the science suggests that filters don't significantly reduce the health risk of smoking anyway. And,

2. Require smokers to "field strip" their butts. This is a procedure long employed by the members of the U.S. military, involving shredding unfiltered cigarette butts between the fingers to render them biodegradable.

How much easier can it get?

UPDATE: They published a much shorter letter with the same basic content.

Happy birthday

Forty-nine years ago to the day, I went bowling at lunch. Earlier that morning I had taken my pregnant wife to the U.S. Army hospital at La Chappelle-St. Mesmin on suspicion of imminent delivery, but, by the time we arrived, her discomfort seemed to have abated. It was Wednesday, my short work day; so, with a "be back soon," I went to the French print shop to drop off the rough draft of the Army newspaper I edited. On the way back, I stopped at La Caserne, the Orleans Area Command HQ, to call the hospital, and was assured that nothing was happening. So, I bought lunch, and, as I usually did on Wednesday, bowled a game. Then, I called the hospital again before heading over to retrieve my spouse. Surprise! While I was bowling I had become a father.

Today, first born is picking up the prescriptions that are keeping me alive. She understands that cell phones once didn't exist, and the hospital couldn't reach me. Her late mother was also understanding, because it was before the day when fathers were allowed to invade the delivery room, and I was there by the time she was available in recovery. (I am not upset that the first time I held first born she peed on me. The Army never knew that, for a few minutes, I was, "out of uniform.")

A Short Story

The old man doesn't get out much any more. Three or four times a year he is able to travel to a destination as far as 125 miles from home and may stop at places along the way. He was excited to learn that the younger man, whom he hadn't seen for two years, may have been planning a cross-country trip to visit in his sphere of availability. His itinerary was unspecified, but the old man estimated that he might see him mid-week. It was going to be a wonderful moment.

The younger man came to visit his sister, who had recently had major surgery. He arrived earlier than the old man had expected, on Sunday, to learn she was doing well and would be going to work on Tuesday. The young man repaired to a nearby friend's house. Meanwhile, the old man was waiting to hear of the mid-week contact he had been anticipating.

After work on Tuesday, his sister stopped by for another brief moment with the younger man, and learned that he was too busy with his friends to visit with the old man. Mid-week, he apparently boarded a train to return to his distant home, and the old man might have cried if he had allowed himself to.