I spoke too soon

Rats! On Friday, KNVN-TV announced they are cancelling the email segment. They did that once before, but this time I suspect they are serious. First, the baseball; now, this. At least I still have my "too much TV" to watch. . . I hope.

One good thing. . . the anchor thanked five of the most frequent contributors by name, and mine came first. For old time's sake, here are my final two submissions (UNUSED):

1. Who are those affluent people they polled who didn't mind wasting more money on useless standardized tests, and so-called expert advice from people who have never been in a classroom? It certainly wasn't us with limited resources.

2. They recently commemorated the death of all those astronauts who died pursuing a dream that we can no longer afford. Didn't we already waste enough lives, time and money long ago?

Happy Birthday

Today, a member of the family achieves his majority. He is now legally permitted to drink alcohol, but has chosen to refrain, for the most part, because, of course, he realizes it's irrelevant. I commend his perspicacity.

It is for him and others of his generation and those to follow that I have appeared on the email portion of the TV news an average of twice per week for five years, and I write letters to the editor reiterating the wisdom of such fine legislators as Wally Herger and John Boehner.

EXAMPLE: (AS SEEN YESTERDAY ON TV) Whether it's deciding to eat Taco Bell or not, or going around with earphones in both ears, I'm sick and tired of the holier-than-thou telling me what to do and threatening to punish me if I don't do it their way.

Lest they be offended. . .

Be it known that I am also enchanted by:

Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
Amanda Righetti (The Mentalist)
Indira Varma (Human Target)
Morena Baccarin (V)
and the "cute"
Pauley Perrette (NCIS)
Daniela Ruah (NCIS-LA)
and
Patrick Jane's '72 Citroen

During the void

I know you're interested in my take on the Super Bowl, but I really don't care, because I'm a baseball person. Unfortunately, after contributing a little over $200 each of the last 18 years to the prizes won by my fellow participants, my fantasy game company is going out of business.

So, I'm looking for a new provider to whom I can make my annual charitable contribution. If you know a good one, let me know.

ALSO: The city council in the local college town is quite incompetent. Although one of their members ran for higher office in the recent election, and had a very good chance of winning, the council made no provision for choosing his successor. So, now there's an opening, and they have decided to appoint someone, but if their vote is 3-3, they say there will be an election. God knows how legal any of that is.

From twenty prospectives who submitted resumes, they narrowed the list down to two. Of course, I wouldn't be able to vote because I am not a city resident, but I know exactly who shouldn't be elected. That would be Mr. Sor Lo, who wants to trade on his Hmong heritage by saying he thinks his failure to be chosen "would send a message to minorities that they are not welcome in this community." I don't surrender to such racist intimidation.

FYI: 1. I have about had enough of The Cape, Summer Glau notwithstanding. Any attempt at clever dialogue has given way to mindless violence.
2. Stana Katic (Castle) is definitely the most attractive woman on regular series television. I would cheat on my wife with her, if I had a wife, and Stana wouldn't laugh. . . and run away.

My street light

Almost eight years ago, we moved here to the country, two miles west of a pleasant little town with few amenities, but teeming with nice, politically conservative people. Across the road from our new digs, there was a street light, a bright beacon in the darkness. . . the only one for at least a mile in any direction. It was comforting. . . convenient. . . illuminating, because its light spilled over the road onto our driveway.

The light was on the shoulder, adjacent to our neighbor's property atop a tall, sturdy cement tower. Suddenly, however, two or three weeks after we arrived, the light went out.

In the interest of public safety (tinged with some nostalgia for the halogen pleasure I had enjoyed), I called Pacific Gas and Electric who told me the light had been extinguished because the bill hadn't been paid. Let's see. . . the pole is on county land, and the light illuminates a county road, so the county was delinquent in its payment, right? Wrong!

I was told that the previous owners of our property had always paid the bill, and if I wanted the light to continue to brighten my night, I would have to assume that financial responsibility.

So, for all these months I have added $11-12 to each of my household power payments. To be fair, twice, when the light went out, PG&E speedily remedied the problem (probably a burned-out lamp), at no additional cost. However, I can't dismiss the nagging suspicion that no other private citizen funds his own street light. Have I been snookered?

Awaiting responses

My letter to the editor posted here on January 8 appeared in the Enterprise-Record yesterday. It will be controversial to some people who have trouble with common sense, and a fear of change. I accept comments from anyone except the terminally politically correct.

EXTRA: 1. Astrology is nonsense, so changing anything about it is akin to rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic. All my children were born under the sign, "Maternity Ward." (AS SEEN ON TV 1/17)
2. We are supposed to believe that in two short months, the millions of people who voted to repeal Obamacare have changed their minds. What kind of dishonestly manipulated poll have the losing liars concocted now?

For TV

Even with the new Congress in place, the Obama administration continues to try to scare us. The report exaggerating the damage caused by the oil spill is out, and the actions of a demented loner are being deliberately misinterpreted to subvert the Second Amendment. All that is actually needed is a little increased vigilance on the part of those who drill for oil and sell guns.

Gerald Lloyd Kookson III

"Kookie" was the most recognizable member of the cast of the TV show that mentions my age in the title. My trombonic year is over, and today marks the beginning of my kookie year. That gives me, hopefully, another year to find an entertainment, literary ot military reference to describe that one on the way to my George Burns year.

EXTRA: Chester, our fuzzy yellow dog, who was poorly named by an uninventive auto mechanic, got a good shearing recently, so now he almost looks like a different animal. I have renamed him New Dog. That follows in the tradition that saw Cujo become Spooky, although, until his death of old age, first born always called him Puppy.

. . . as I suspected

"Borat" is bad. . . simply dreadful. The best part was the deleted supermarket scene. It had that repetitive thing that men appreciate, and women don't understand.

Conversely, "The Cape" (NBC) is worth at least one more viewing. When he's wearing the mask he can't be recognized. Borat should have worn a mask. . . and pants, on more occasions.

AP strikes again

In its story about the resignation of Justice Carlos Moreno of the California Supreme Court for personal reasons, the Associated Press dug up a quote from Gerald Uelmen, law professor at Santa Clara University, who said he expects Governor Brown to appoint a liberal replacement, so as not to "affect the ultimate balance of the court." To reinforce this ludicrous concept, Uelmen added, "Brown will likely choose a Hispanic or African American to fill the open seat since there will not be a member of either group after Moreno steps down." The AP, by its silence, failed to point out the obvious racist and prejudiced nature of those comments.

Of all the qualifications of a supreme court justice, the ones suggested by Uelmen are the very least relevant. In fact, it is safe to say that they should not be a consideration at all. Until the AP and the rest of America come to that conclusion and act on it, racism will continue to infect our culture. As I have said before, equality, tempered by love and understanding, is the surest way of structuring a fair society.

A free lunch?

AT&T has given us new free cell phones to accommodate certain upgrading, and to assure we continue to subscribe to their service. This was no doubt done in response to recent information that they had fallen behind Sprint and Verizon in quality of performance.

The new phones appear to do everything except prepare dinner and wash the dishes. That's a pity, because we would enjoy gourmet food preparation, and everyone hates policing serving utensils.

However, I have been admonished not to partake of the exotic apps, lest there be a charge for their use. My phone is strictly an emergency device, and for receiving calls from the bill payer when I am on the home phone internet dial-up. Considering no one needs a home phone any more, that makes dial-up deceptively expensive. Do you suppose I could convince the frugal bill payer of that?*

* First attempt was received unfavorably. Stay tuned.

All hyphens, all the time

On New Year's Day, after first born got lost in the maze of one-way streets in the capitol city, we headed home without the gourmet dining we had planned for after the show. In a few minutes, we came to the now growing, little town where I once lived comfortably for about four years, and to which I have never had occasion to return. Looking for sustenance, we came upon an establishment familiar to me, doubly named "Chinese Smorgy," and "Chinese Buffet."

It hadn't changed a bit since the last time I had been there, almost twenty years ago. The same shopworn booths, the small graffiti-decorated restrooms, and the comforting poor-folks ambience are complemented by the $9.60 per person price for ALL-YOU-CAN-EAT, as proudly proclaimed on the building-length window.

The menu also looked unchanged, and we ate as much as we could, because it was still as tasty as I remembered, although first born bemoaned the lack of her favorite, pot stickers, which I could have told her hadn't been available before either.

A cryptic sign on the cough shield bravely states the obvious that more upscale buffets expect their patrons to realize -- "No Doggy Bags." It was a charming blue-collar dining experience.

FYI: No stray cats were observed in the vicinity.

Bits and Pieces

I helped first born write a sympathy card and two thank you's. Can you believe it. . . she didn't appreciate the following assistance:

"Your horse was sick, and hardly fit,
I put him down; get over it."

"Those cookies that you gave us
Were tasteless and quite bland.
The dogs refused to eat them,
And one tried to bite my hand."

"The artsy-craftsy shovel
That bears old Santa's face
Is much too small for digging,
And takes up closet space."

NEXT: Some female members of the cast have suggested that the next film in the series should be named, you guessed it, "Mother Fockers."