Ask Marilyn

-- by Marilyn vos Savant (Parade)

Q: "Why do some people think that they're better than others? -- Vue Yang, Woodbury (Minn.) Junior High

A: "I believe some people ARE better than other people -- so, in those cases, they're right. . . ."

Surprise, Vue!

Ginger

My dog has died. Not to bore you with the details of my life, but I must say a few words about my faithful companion of ten years. For the past year, we had shared a similar heart condition, and yesterday, it struck her down. She went quickly and peacefully.

She never gave us anything but pleasure and affection. She guarded the house, barking only when appropriate, and I choose to believe she loved us as much as we loved her. I celebrate her life and mourn her passing.

Charity

A charity is an organization founded, frequently, by someone of whom you've never heard, to collect contributions for a cause that sounds lofty and/or important. If you give money to a few of these groups, you will receive solicitations from many others, because one of their sources of income comes from the sale of your name to other charities.

Each charity has an executive officer. This person draws compensation of at least $250,000 per annum. He or she hires a firm to mail out solicitations with annoying frequency. This probably costs another quarter million. After these generous outlays, a part of what is left of the collected contributions goes to the avowed work of the charity. How much a part determines how valuable the work of the group is.

With my meager finances, I can only give a small amount, once per year. So, when I receive several solicitations, the group's cost may very well be cancelling out my contribution.

Most people support charities to make themselves feel good, and assuage the guilt they have over some perceived wrong that they, or some of their ancestors, may have inflicted on persons, animals, or places in the past. So, if you're contemplating donating to Save the Badgers, More Bling for Athletes, The Antarctic Mosquito Breeding Program, Companion Rats for the Elderly, or the Bird Fund (In college, my acquaintance, Leeds Bird, stood on the corner with a collection receptacle [a can.]), I hope it makes you feel all warm and fuzzy.

Vote

I have mailed in my absentee ballot, and kept my perfect voting record intact. Occasionally, I have a day when going out is difficult, and I didn't want to take the chance I might fail to fulfill my duty.

I cast my ballot for many fine Republican candidates, omitting only one who had campaigned in my area by handing out cash to people who were purchasing gasoline. He said he wanted to help them out with the high prices. Because it looked for all the world like he was trying to buy votes, I sent him an e-mail asking for a better explanation. He did not respond. I could not, in good faith, however, vote for any of his opponents, especially the Democrat.

It was important that I did not vote for any Democrats, not so much because they were poor choices, but that their election might contribute to the Democrats' gaining control of Congress. That would be a bad outcome, because many Democrats currently in Congress are committed to taking our country down the wrong road.

There were also (an unlucky) l3 state ballot issues -- five initiatives, five bond issues, and three proposed constitutional amendments. All of these should have been introduced in the Legislature, and my elected representatives should have, if appropriate, enacted them. Apparently, they were not appropriate, so I voted no. In regard to those which asked for more money, I continue to ask, "What are you doing with the taxes you now collect? Couldn't you re-allocate those funds to alleviate these allegedly crucial concerns?"

November Election

I have decided to go way out on a limb, and predict that the Republican Party will retain control of both houses of Congress in next month's election. Because this flies in the face of conventional supposition, if I turn out to be correct, I'll be declared a genius. If I'm wrong, I can always pull an Alec Baldwin. (Oh, wait, he's still here.)

Of course, if enough liberal Democrats get elected, the country could be in BIG trouble. First, although other countries may stop hating us, they will start laughing at us. Then, the militant Muslims will notice our weakness, and begin their pogrom. Finally, the women who survive will don their burqas, and the men will be permitted to start planning for their 72 virgins. That is not so much a prediction as a Democratic eventuality. I pray it won't be as bad as it sounds.

(The market bumped up above 12,000 briefly today. How will the election affect that?)

The Rest of the Story

Now that you've met the Bohner brothers, I'd like to tell you my full recollection. Yesterday's story was about an uplifting encounter. My other episode was, at best, puzzling.

The Bohners lived somewhere I never visited. It may have been in a place on the "other side of the tracks." They were the kind of kids that your mother told you to avoid. They looked like trouble, and they didn't seem to have any friends. The family was probably financially insecure, and the brothers' behavior reflected poor parenting. As you might imagine, they were not good students.

On more that one occasion, my friend Ted was forced to fight one or the other Bohner. I never knew why, but I suspect that it was because Ted, although being quite athletic, also played the violin. He loved his music, and his pride had probably been challenged.

One Christmas, as usual, our class pulled names from a hat for the gift exchange. Gene Bohner drew my name. I will never forget what he gave me, but I've never been able to decide why. Other class members were pleased with the toys and fun miscellany they received, but I was deeply disappointed when I unwrapped a pair of yellow and black striped shoelaces. Of course, nobody at our school wore such things, and, at my tender age, I was grade-school devastated. To this day, I don't know why Gene chose that gift, but I have always hoped that it was all he and his parents could afford.

Pronounced Bah'-ner

When I was in the sixth grade, one day I was "hangin' out" behind the billboard down on the corner, next to the print shop, kitty-corner from Poeder's Grocery. The neighborhood bully happened by, and seeing I had some candy, demanded that I give it to him "or else." I said, "I'll take 'or else'," so he hit me and took my candy.

For several days thereafter, he threatened to hit me again, so I took to walking around the block to get to school to avoid him, until my parents found out, and told me to stop doing that. I resumed taking the direct route to school, and I guess that surprised the bully, because he let me pass. However, one day, in the classroom, he issued the ominous directive, "I'll see you after school!"

At 3 p.m., I was hoping the bully wouldn't appear, when he suddenly loomed up before me. As I faced the drooling hulk, I became aware that the Bohner brothers were flanking me, one on each side. The Bohners weren't exactly friends of mine, they just loved to fight, and, in fact, when they couldn't find an opponent, they punched each other. When the bully saw them, he beat a hasty retreat, and he never bothered me again.

Today, in the newspaper, I was reading Molly Ivins. (She used to be funny, but now she's just mean.) Referencing the North Korean situation, she posed the question, "How old were you when you learned not to antagonize and infuriate the local crazy bully?" Well, I was about age eleven when I learned not to appease bullies like Kim Jong Il, even if you do call it "diplomacy."

I would ask, "Where are the Bohner brothers now, when we need them?"

As Seen on TV

TOPIC: Who's smarter, men or women?

A: Women are smarter. As a man, I'm smart enough to know that it would be really stupid of me to say anything else. "Yes dear, you're right; you're always right. May I please have my dessert now?"
[The crew was chuckling in the background.]

TOPIC: Discovery of new planets.

A: As my son once said, "Science is the new religion." So much of it depends on faith. I don't understand how the Hubble Telescope, which has been up there for years, can suddenly discover a sea of new planets. Maybe it's voodoo religion.

TOPIC: [Probably will not be seen] Video games and school violence.

A:As sure as I'm sitting here writing this, some jerk will try to blame school violence on George Bush. Well, violent video games were around long before he was President, and giving it a political spin today doesn't fool anyone.

Foley's Follies

Let's talk hypocrisy. There are those who have greater respect for viscious terrorists who have vowed to kill us, and who send their young people to us with bombs, than for the citizens of the United States. We aren't supposed to monitor the phone calls and internet communications of terrorists. We have to provide them with all the benefits of the U.S. judicial system. Heaven forbid they should suffer any discomfort.

Yet, if you're an American, especially a gay one, the holier-than-thou are all over you. Eavesdropping, domestic spying, and blame before the facts are in, and we hound a person to resign, and attack his colleagues for not being "their brother's keeper." And the most reprehensible part is that it's completely political. The question is, "If you vote the Democrats into office, will we get less or more of this nonsense?"

Vive la revolution!

The end of the world s'approche. The prime minister of France announced Sunday that a ban on smoking in schools, airports, offices and other public buildings will start in February, while restaurants, dance clubs and some bars have until 2008 to comply. What are the chances the French will stand still for this abuse? The next thing you know, the government will be banning dogs from restaurants and shooing the cats off the continental breakfast tables.

LA Update

LOS ANGELES (AP) "City school officials said they won't allow Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa to take part in deciding who replaces retiring schools chief Roy Romer.

"The Los Angeles Board of Education notified the mayor's aides Wednesday of its decision to deny Villaraigosa's request to see the full list of superintendent candidates and to interview all finalists.

"School board President Marlene Canter said it would
have been inappropriate for the mayor to have such a large role in choosing Romer's successor. . . .

"Legislation signed into law last month will give Villaraigosa substantial authority over Los Angeles schools. . .[starting] in January, and the board has vowed to challenge its constitutionality in court."

Go! School board.

Again

Following in the footsteps of some of the world's most famous repeaters -- Joseph Goebbels, Rush Limbaugh, Chicken Little and the Winchester rifle -- I find myself harping on the obvious to attempt to awaken the inattentive. Chicken Little was wrong and Goebbels was deluded, but the rifle almost always fired, and Rush is always right about the facts, although some would argue with his interpretation.

I try to point out where dangers lie, and suggest possible solutions. If I tend to repeat myself, it's because our way of life is threatened from without and within. Why don't those who don't want America to continue to be the greatest country in the world simply leave? We are too busy fighting the foreign threat to deal with their nonsense.

To Serve and Protect

Four police agencies will saturate the south County roads this Friday night looking for drivers under the influence of alcohol and drugs. City Police Chief Tony Cardenas threatens arrests and says, "The best way to avoid arrest is not to drink at all." Really!?

But I digress. Recently I came across a paper I wrote in the last century entitled "The Impossibility of World Peace." I thought I might reprint it here, but it was a college paper and badly overwritten. I am pleased that it confirms that I've always been right.

Recently, the jihadists have reinforced my belief by proudly proclaiming their intention to kill everyone who doesn't agree with them. While you're watching your back and ducking the bullets, you may want to forget dreaming about negotiating for peace, as some of us did many years ago. Better yet, in November, vote for those who understand the threat to our survival.

October 3, 2006 -- ll,727.34 and you were there.