Erin go poop

Leave it to those crazy Irishers. The Dublin-based Ryanair is thinking of charging for using the toilets on their flights. The airline serves 145 European cities, several to which most people have never thought of going, and now passengers have to observe their mother's admonition, "Go to the potty before you get in the car (or in this case, airplane)."

I have never felt the inclination or necessity to evacuate on a flight, but I certainly wouldn't want to put more than a dollar in a slot, or look for the appropriate coin (one English pound). Perhaps they could collect a fee beforehand for such "luxuries" as the rest room, oxygen masks, flotation devices, and drinking water, and then refund the unused portion at disembarkation. Psychology suggests that it would be a money-maker, because it would prompt the thinking, "Oh, what the hell; I've already paid for it."

FYI: Molvania is technically in Asia, so it is not served by Ryanair, but for a few strubls, several entrepreneurial Molvanians based in Poland and who own horses will transport you there. Please observe the weather advisories seen here earlier. Look for a kiosk bearing the sign, "Sprufki Doh Craszko," which actually means, "What is that smell?"

Life gets better

The wonder of DVDs is growing. Each day I discover films that I was afraid I would never see again. It started late last year when I bought "Attack," the 1956 film version of the fine Broadway show, "Fragile Fox," starring four fine character actors -- Jack Palance, Lee Marvin, Eddie Albert and Buddy Ebsen, and a tank. At Christmas, "The Duchess and the Dirtwater Fox" (1976) crossed my path. That fun comic Western stars George Segal and Goldie Hawn, and an educated horse. Now, I have found "Gates of Heaven (1978)," not to be confused with the much maligned "Heaven's Gate (1981)." These gates are ones to pet cemeteries, and this "documentary. . . has become an underground legend, a litmus test for audiences who cannot decide if it is serious or satirical, funny or sad, sympathetic or mocking." I remember laughing, as I am wont to do. I await its arrival.

Now, I am looking for "Trial (1955)," a courtroom drama starring Glenn Ford and Arthur Kennedy, and "Wild River (1960)," with the mesmerizing Montgomery Clift and Lee Remick.

Home again

It happened again. I was supposed to have jury duty today, but the trial was "vacated." It's not like we don't have crime (more each year) in our pleasant little town, but no trial today. I hope some little weasel didn't take a plea to get a slap on the wrist for some heinous crime that the DA wasn't sure he could prove.

It's probably for the best, however, because the rain has finally come, and it's expected to be a very wet week, and as you know, I tend to melt under pelting precipitation, heavy criticism and withering glances. Or not.

AS SEEN ON TV: "As opposed as I am to political correctness, even I allowed myself to be offended by the cartoon that implied some relationship between the President and a chimpanzee." (Without the obvious snarky insult. . . "even though I would sooner trust a dead ape.")

Promises, promises

1. WASHINGTON (AP-OBAMA) "The Obama administration, siding with the Bush White House, contended Friday that detainees in Afghanistan have no constitutional rights.

"In a two-sentence court filing, the Justice Department said it agreed that detainees at Bagram Airfield cannot use U.S. courts to challenge their detention. The filing shocked human rights attorneys.

"'The hope we all had in President Obama to lead us on a different path has not turned out as we'd hoped,' said Tina Monshipour Foster, a human rights attorney representing a detainee at the Bagram Airfield. 'We all expected better.'"

Surprise!

2. In the Bible, Cain was the bad brother who killed Abel, the good brother. In California, the newest bad guy is Abel, that's State Senator Abel Maldonado, R- Santa Maria, who provided the winning vote on the tax-raising budget. His crime was not his betrayal of the Republican Party, but his failure to honor his written pledge not to raise taxes. So much for integrity.

3. The Ninth U.S. "Circus" Court has struck down a law banning the sale of violent video games to juveniles. My God, what were they thinking? Hah! Thinking?

Browned bread

Friday night, the Democrats dug the first shovelful in the groundbreaking destruction of their party. All the Republicans have to do (except the three Senatorial turncoats)is to sit back and wait until the "stimulus" does its evil work, and it looks like the 1930s all over again. Senator Collins will meet her doom this year in Maine, and the Democrats will wonder what hit them soon after. Voters are extremely fickle, and when the President can't fulfill his promises, they'll turn on him like pit bulls. His line of garbage may carry him through the 2012 election, but by 2016, if things aren't significantly better, the Democrats will be toast. Talk about your hope.

ATTN UNMARRIED GENTLEMEN: A little late, but if you didn't lavish "thoughtful" gifts upon your significant other yesterday, you are also toast. I hope you remembered the day named for Valentine, the patron saint of extravagance, because it could have been more important to you than her birthday, your anniversary, and the birth of Christ.

Republican hero

Nominee for Commerce Secretary, Senator Judd Gregg, R-NH, has withdrawn his name from consideration citing " irresolvable conflicts," namely the stimulus and the 2010 census. Of the President, he said, "We are functioning from a different set of views on many critical items of policy."

Those turncoat Senators Arlen Specter, R-PA, Olympia Snowe and Susan Collins, both R-ME, could take a lesson from this man of principle.

E-F or F-F? *

The honeymoon is over, As Charles Krauthammer said recently, he thought it would take six months, but the end came in just three weeks. Last night, President Obama begged the Senate to pass the ill-conceived stimulus package, and asked the public to encourage them to do it. Today, the Senate caved. Sorry.

In California, of course, there was no reason to contact our Senators, because they're already in the tank for Obama, despite evidence that the vast majority of Americans have reservations about the way things are going. Since 1994, the Democrats have been waiting to implement their pet pork projects, and they see this as the time. The leaders of banks and businesses see this as an opportunity to lavish wealth upon themselves, and the indolent and dishonest among us are champing at the bit to get their hands on your money.

Contrary to President Obama's pronouncement, government is not the answer. As trite as it sounds, "You can't legislate morality." Moral people exhibit personal responsibility, and avoid doing business with those who don't. Nobody sold me a bad mortgage, or enticed me to pay 20% interest on a credit card. I didn't buy everything I saw because it looked good to me, and when money got short, I gave up such luxuries as tobacco, alcohol, travel, cable TV and (unfortunately) brand-name food. (My personal shopper insists on that last one.)


*From a classic honeymoon argument: At the hotel, the wife wants to Eat First.

Two 'toons

I find that there is much wisdom in cartoons. For instance, yesterday, Danae, the little star of "Non Sequitur," was seen to say, "The feminist movement in the '70s. . . was an alien plot to enslave men, but was thwarted by the great freedom fighter, Saint Hefner."

A classic New York Times cartoon mirrored one of my favorite themes. A penguin, seated on a couch, visiting a couple's house, was seen to say, "I prefer to be called an Arctic-American."

JOKE: (From "My Name Is Earl") An English sailor enters a bar with a ship's wheel embedded in his crotch. The bartender says, "Do you realize you have a wheel in your crotch?" The sailor replies, "Yes, and it's driving me nuts."

The bunny cometh

This year Easter falls on April 12. According to the faux travel guide, "Molvania, A Land Untouched by Modern Dentistry" (The Overlook Press, 2004), you might consider celebrating the holiday in the Republic of Molvania. "Easter is a major event in Molvania and in every town and village locals will dress up, often in traditional costume, and celebrate the resurrection with music, dancing and each other's wives."

Do be advised, however, that, "As a general rule, spring and autumn [in Molvania] tend to be wet, winter is bitterly cold and in the summer the heat can be oppressive."

EXTRA: Because of Governor Schwarzenegger's furlough program, under which on two days per month, certain state workers are punished financially, the DMV was closed today. The lines were a little longer than usual, but nobody noticed the staff wasn't there.

Nuts

In a stunningly surprising display of a Democrat doing the right thing, Tom Daschle withdrew his name from consideration for Secretary of Health and Human Services. Saying "I'm sorry" had about as much an effect as if Charles Manson were to apologize. (Speaking of Charley, I used to drive by his houses, first in Vacaville, and now in Corcoran, and shout out "Hello" from the safety of the highway. I haven't been in that area for almost six years. How's that crazy Charley doing?)

President Obama is upset with the FDA over the peanut scare, because his daughter eats peanut butter. You would think that a man who now earns $400,000 per year could feed his children more nutritious food, especially since the most popular commercial peanut butters contain added hydrogenated oil(s), and sugar and/or salt, which even first born won't eat.

Woodchuck

Yesterday, they pulled Bill Murray out of his hole, and he didn't see his shadow, so we'll have at least six more weeks of Obamination winter.

Football

The last Super Bowl I watched was in 1990 from the hospital, where I was with my daughter and my newborn grandson, while his father couldn't be bothered, because he was hosting a Super Bowl party. Today is just another day, two months before the start of baseball season.

PROBLEM IDENTIFIED

As I promised I would, I overspent at Christmas to help the economy. When one credit card bill for $600 arrived, I paid it in full, as I always do, even though it was 6.3% of my annual income. I also spent an additional $500-600 to bring my contribution up to double that amount.

As I was writing my check, I discovered one big reason for the nation's financial problems. On my $600 debt, the minimum payment I could have made was $10.00. That means, even assuming that I made no further purchases on the card, I would only reduce the amount I owed by about $1.00 per month. The figure of 47 years to pay it off that I read in the newspaper seems to be accurate. That means my children and grandchildren could keep paying $10.00 per month until their deaths; or, if they're lucky, find enough in my "estate" to retire the debt.

I say "You're welcome," to my progeny for my fiscal responsibility. But what of those millions of other Americans who make the minimum payment or no payment at all? How can that be good for the economy?