Stimulating first-time homebuyers

There is no free lunch. Somehow, what looks like a gift from the government will come back to bite someone. whether it be you and me, or those people who said they were first-time homebuyers. Let the program suffer the same fate as the President has suggested for sick old people.

Should CA legalize and tax marijuana?

(AS SUBMITTED TO TV) I can see it now -- long lines of illegal alien growers at H & R Block filling out their 1040s to pay the tax on marijuana, that they had earlier carefully collected from their doper clients. Be serious.

(AS SEEN ON TV) A man who has had the amount of training and experience to achieve the rank of general should not be questioned about tactics by a cheap Chicago politician with no military experience. The proper decision was obvious, and President Obama should have given the order the day after the request. The longer he waits to send reinforcements, the bolder the enemy becomes.

Burp. . .

Because it was, for me, an unusual occurrence, I must comment on my recent trip to a restaurant, something which I have rarely done before in such close proximity to the last such visit. Actually, I wish I could afford to make such dining a regular practice.

First born and I traveled to yet another pleasant little town to sup with a gentleman her sister wanted us to meet. She craved our validation, which we, as families do, did not withhold.

The establishment was called the Black Bear, with appropriate carved wood statues of the same out front. A sign also announced "Family Food," which inspired a certain amount of apprehensive curiosity. It turns out there is a chain of these eateries, mostly in the West, in smaller towns. On a Saturday night, it was liberally peopled with casually attired locals and travelers from off the adjacent freeway.

We were seated in a booth near a juke box which filled my ears with '50s popular music, which, after a while, I was able to tune out. When I listen to music, I listen to music; and when I eat, I prefer silence punctuated only by occasional witty table talk.

For $13-14 per order, we received more food than I have ever been served for that price. I chose the pot roast, as "family" as you can get. I would also like to say it was generously delicious, but "a little bland" comes to mind. I did eat it all, however, much to my intestinal discomfort. As a bonus, the one being scrutinized picked up the check, but we would have assessed him fairly without that display of largesse. . . I would hope.

I can't wait to go back to try another, hopefully tastier, entree. However, I plan to order the "senior portion" at $12, so that I may have room for one of their attractive desserts.

So not cool

The one thing the Obama administration conveniently forgets to mention when they praise the socialized medicine of foreign nations is the outrageous tax they assess to pay for it. Do you really want to saddle your children and grandchildren with that kind of financial burden? (AS SEEN ON TV)

Supermarkets appeared around the time of my birth. One of the major reasons for their creation was convenience. It is not convenient for me to bring bags with me from home in which to carry my purchases. I will not be shopping in any stores which make it necessary for me to pay (as proposed by Walmart) for a convenience which has been free for many years.

George Carlin is still laughing

As a connoisseur of euphemisms, George Carlin would really enjoy the story of Northwest Airlines Flight l88 from San Diego which flew right over the destination airport in Minneapolis, and proceded 150 miles farther, because, as the pilots said, they were talking and "lost situational awareness." NTSB investigators suspect they were asleep. But the euphemism is funny. By the way, no one was hurt, if you disregard the pilots' newly achieved lack of credibility.

EXTRA: The Obamanation is talking about gifting me with another $250. From my experience the first time, I know it won't make a whit of difference in my life, and, of course, it won't buy my vote, as he hopes.

UPDATE: Two NWA pilots may have been seen using their professional discount to buy several one-way tickets to Brazil. I guess some friends and/or relatives will be joining them in a land from which they cannot be extradited.

Fart

I quit smoking over nine years ago. I don't know if it has allowed me to live longer, but it sure seems longer. Now the city says I don't dare go to the Plaza [a park], lest I smoke and offend the holier-than-thou. What shall we outlaw next -- flatulence?

The Void cometh

You may have noticed that my crusade (yes, "crusade," you accursed terrorists) has slowed recently. That's because the BASEBALL season is drawing to a close. I may eventually be put to the curved sword or thrown under the Obama bus, but right now it's only a couple of weeks before there won't be any more baseball to watch for at least five mind-numbing months. It will be at that time I will return to continue to fight for yours and my freedom.

Meanwhile, my fantasy team has an outside chance of possibly winning enough, praise God, to break even and cover the cost of play. Of course, a lot depends upon, and requires praying for, a failure of my fellow competitors. So, I will have to think like a liberal, and wish those, whose teams are ahead of mine, are somehow punished so that I may advance in the standings. Perhaps, I should pray to Nancy Pelosi (D-SF), the Princess of Mean. (You might remember that the late hotelier, Leona Helmsley, was the Queen of Mean, and usurped the title for all time, much to Nancy's chagrin.)

Taxing California oil producers?

There was a time, not that long ago, when students and/or their parents paid for college without government assistance. If education is still that important, they can do it again, without punishing any selected individuals or businesses.

More foolishness

The California Legislature must be our new God, the way they keep telling us how to conduct our lives. Now they want to ban high-powered TVs. It's just the latest atrocity in the growing list of intrusions on our freedom. We must make it stop.

Hey, New York voters. . .

Taking someone's DNA without his permission violates the self-incrimination provision of the Fifth Amendment. How far down that road do you want to go?

Lactation

We have days for Martin Luther King although black crime still runs rampant, and Cesar Chavez although Hispanics still illegally flood over the border; and now California will have a day for Harvey Milk who spoke out for homosexuality which many people still find morally distasteful. When will we honor someone who advocates for Americans who consistently avoid questionable behavior?

If the legislation has no provision for students to opt out of the day of indoctrination, will families be punished if the parents and/or the children decide to refuse to participate?

Vamping

While I'm pondering more Obama/Nazi comparisons, let me give you three for TV on the subjects of bombing the moon, crosses on public land, and religious speech against homosexuality.

1. Hey, NASA, it's a rock, you idiots. You had just better hope it doesn't shatter into a million pieces, or we could be sweeping up for centuries.

2. What is it about a cross that engenders so much fear and hatred, when all it represents is one man's sacrifice for all mankind? Shouldn't we reserve our fear for the terrorists, and our hatred for sin?

3. What is really hate speech is talking about prohibiting the "free exercise of religion." As you can see from the wording, it's also unconstitutional. (AS SEEN)

BREAKING NEWS: President Obama has just been awarded the Nobel Piss Prize. He is now finally old enough to go wee wee (one of his cute expressions) in the potty.

Dave and the director

For those who accept sexual intercourse as only a recreational activity, David Letterman's dalliance with staff members should be of no concern, as long as the participants were unmarried consenting adults. For those of us who believe that coitus should be an expression of love, his behavior is disturbing, and causes us to question his moral compass. He has already found out his wife does.

On the other hand, Roman Polanski misused his celebrity status to force himself on a child. After 45 days into his plea bargain, he suspected that the judge wasn't going to continue to honor it, so he ran. Almost understandable, but why did U.S. officials wait 31 years to make a move? It's not like he's Bin Laden; everyone always knew where he was. There's no way to predict what his punishment might be, but I'd like to see him back in court. I hope it really frosts the entertainment community, and if they jump off the Obama train, that will be a bonus.

Dave

David Letterman's problems apparently began with Stephanie Birkitt's diary, which was stolen by the extortionist. She is a cute, sarcastic consenting adult whom Dave found enchanting (as did all the men in his audience), and whatever happened occurred when they were both unmarried. Case closed.

POLITICS: Last night on Charlie Rose, Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said that 67% of Americans favor the public option in health insurance. She lied.

It appears that many of the "doctors" who attended the President's staged demonstration were given white lab coats to wear to replace those they "forgot" to bring.

Guns N' Poses

Don't take guns away from people. Put people who misuse firearms out of reach of them. Haven't we lost enough of our rights lately? Light up a cigarette, drink a sugary soda, buy some incandescent light bulbs, and go out and get a gun. Hooha!

Our macho President has given Iran two weeks to allow nuclear inspectors in. If they don't comply, what's he going to do? Give them another two weeks?